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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

Brownie Points. The Special Kind.

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pot brownies

It began like any other night. My boys and I decided to start drinking at about seven o’clock, mixing our Citron Mishka vodka with orange soda, and drinking it like champs… cause that’s how we roll.  We drank about one and a half mixed drinks, then threw back a few shots, before I took my ritualistic half-hour shower and prepped up for the night. When I came out, my boys were all talking about doing something specific, or “trying it out” as I heard.  I heard a knock on my door, and both very confused and wearing only a towel, I answered it. I opened the door to one of our neighbors who, immediately came in and started to collect money from all my boys. What the fuck was going on? I asked them what they’re paying for, and they told me they were buying brownies from our friend. Yes, the fun kind of brownies.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

No Money For Spring Break? Go On a Staycation!

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Staycations

So all your friends are going away but you’re the douche bag who has no money and can’t seem to muster up enough for Cancun or even Miami? Maybe you should have bought the Natty Lights instead of the Barcardi, but too late now. However, there’s still some ways to make it feel like you’re on vacation for those 10 days, even though you’re really just sitting on your couch, flask plastered to the hand, occasionally going to your restaurant job a couple days at a time. Here’s the steps to having a stay-cation after the jump.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

How To Spot A Man-Slut

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According to about one hundred percent of women, men are assholes. Thank you, we work really hard for that, because you keep coming back for more.  Men are said to be douche bags, pricks, dickheads, etc. We are called many things, but my personal favorite, among all, is a man-slut.  I feel indifferent about this name because it goes both ways (like a bisexual). Girls look at man-sluts and say that they are disgusting and probably have diseases, yet they still try to get with them.  Guys look at this and say that you’re the man because you’re getting some.  Either way, a man-slut is someone who is very common on the college scene. How do you know if someone is a man-slut, do you ask? I’ll just show you my daily process of whoring myself out to women.

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Hofstra UniversitySex and Relationships

The Most Degrading Sexual Acts and When You Should Perform Them

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Awkward couple in bed

We all hear about those girls who do it all – also known as porn stars. These girls tend to ruin it for the rest of us classy ladies because guys could easily say “Well, the last girl I was with (AKA who he watched on TV) did it…so I thought you would want to.” Most of the time, this assumption is wrong, unless your girl is super kinky (which, some of us are). Some of the sexual acts I listed below are straight up degrading, while the others may be fun to try, but all in due time. If you try to perform these acts at the wrong time, shit could hit the fan and get awkward. Read about the appropriate times to engage in these acts, after the jump.

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Hofstra University

Rebecca Black’s “Friday”: The Worst Song Ever?

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rebecca black friday

Rebecca Black is a mystery inside an enigma. No one knows who she is or why the equally elusive ARK Music Factory decided she deserved to have her own music video. All music lovers know for sure is that she is a goddess who will be remembered every Friday for quite some time. Here are a few reasons why I believe “Friday” deserves every one of its 10 million views.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

The Hangover Story

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the hangover

Everybody has experienced it, lived through it, and hopefully come up with a solution. Perhaps the worst feeling in the world is when you wake up with a dry mouth, an urge to vomit, and a headache.  Yes, it’s called a hangover.  Hangovers are no fun, and when you have douche bags who blast music in your ear, or jump on you while purposely, it only enhances the feeling of shit that you’re dealing with. While hangovers are a horrible experience, there is another feeling, often related, that makes your stomach ride roller coasters in your gut. It all starts with one simple, yet complex question… what the fuck did I do last night? Here’s my story:

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

JP Rose’s Guide To Finding A Drunk Girl

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This title is deceiving! I’m not giving you a guide to find drunk girls so you can have a good time, or because you don’t have good enough game to get a sober one. I’m giving you this guide for one reason and one reason only. Everybody loves drunk people. They do moronic, idiotic, and sometimes illegal things for our entertainment…kinda like a clown. While guys sometimes pick fights with others, cause a ruckus, or show off how strong and tough they are, girls become a legitimate comedy show. To me, being around a bunch of drunk guys is boring and stupid. So what do I do? I make sure that if I want to laugh or enjoy something, I will find drunk girls and just stand by them just to watch the show. Do not fucking judge me. If I’m designated driver, what else am I going to do? I need some Goddamn entertainment.

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FeaturedHofstra UniversityLifestyle

The Church of Charlie Sheen

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Charlie-sheen

I’ve long since accepted that if there is a heaven, I am not destined to go there. Christianity has too many rules that I can’t help breaking.  I’ve spent several thousands of my parents’ dollars on college philosophy courses over the past few years, in a desperate attempt to find some higher power whom I can worship and respect. It was through a series of viral YouTube videos, however, that I finally found a deity I can relate to. His name is Charlie Sheen.

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Hofstra UniversitySex and Relationships

Steps To Hooking Up With Your Boss (And Other Authority Figures)

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Seducing authority figures

We’ve all done it. We’ve all had fantasies about the authority figures in our lives who are at least somewhat attractive and mildly young. That professor who has the charisma of a great lover. The boss who calls you into his office and, for just a moment, you imagine throwing everything that’s on the desk onto the floor and throwing him on top. But I’m getting ahead of myself. There are certain steps to take to help you get it in with your boss, professor, and whoever else in your life who has that bit of sexy power over your circumstances. These steps are risky, and should only be taken with unattached power figures to ensure the minimum amount of baggage possible. Read the steps after the jump.

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Hofstra UniversityLifestyle

A Trip To Blue Balls Lagoon

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blue balls

The affliction known as “blue balls” is the worst fucking feeling a guy can ever endure. For the ladies out there who have not, and never will, deal with this pain…think of appendicitis in your crotch. Yep…that’s what it feels like. My first encounter with this dreadful sensation will forever be burned into my memory after what seemed like a sure-thing ended in a night of blue-balled horror. The night was just normal as any other night…blasting the latest Lil Wayne album with a sprinkle of some Girl Talk. My friends came over to pregame and we started putting back shots of Grey Goose and chugged a couple of Four Lokos. It was my buddy’s birthday so we were planning on getting wasted. At around 10:30 PM we departed on our journey to Drunkville – Population: six assholes and a birthday boy.

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