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Sex and Relationships

Sex and Relationships

3 Tips for Moving Out of The “Friend Zone”

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While it’s nice to have good friends, it’s not great to be just friends with someone that you’d rather be more than friends with. However, for many people in college or who are dating age, be it male and female alike, it’s so easy to get stuck in the “friend zone” and not know how to take things to the next level. And although taking a friendship to a romantic relationship doesn’t always work, you’ll never truly know unless you try. So to help you learn both subtle and bold ways to get past this hurdle, here are three tips for moving out of the friend zone.

Get Some Power In The Relationship

One reason you might feel stuck in the friend zone is because you simply don’t know how invested the other person is in your relationship, be it as friends or in a more romantic way. To gauge this level, Jeremy Nicholson, a contributor to Psychology Today, recommends that you gain a little more power in the relationship. You can do this by becoming less interested in maintaining the relationship, making yourself more scarce to the other person, or creating some competition around yourself. Once the balance of power is more even, you may feel more confident about your ability to take things to the next level.

Feel Out The Situation

Before you take a big plunge that could put your friendship in danger, Clare Austen, a contributor to Men’s Fitness, recommends that you try dropping some hints that will help you feel the situation out. You may try talking about a hypothetical romantic relationship the two of you may have together. Their reaction to you talking this way could give you a better idea of where you actually stand with them regarding being a couple. Austen also suggests watching the movie When Harry Met Sally and then talking about how they feel about men and women actually being friends or if one party is always attracted to the other. The information you gain from these little hints could help you a lot.

Make Your Feelings Known

If you’ve done the above steps and still aren’t sure if you’re still in the friend zone or not, it now might be time for you to be direct and make your feelings known. When doing this, Susan Winter, a contributor to the Huffington Post, writes that you should try the monologue approach. This means that you say what you need to say without waiting to hear what the other person thinks or feels about what you’re saying. This will give you the chance to get your true feelings out in the open without having to censor yourself based off what the other person does or doesn’t say. And once this has happened, you can then know for sure if this friendship will ever turn into something more.

If you’re unsure about how to move out of the friend zone, consider using some of the tips mentioned above to help you progress past this.

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Sex and Relationships

Cheap Holiday Gifts for Your College Sweetheart

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If you’re a freshman, you’ve probably only been dating for a couple of months (if that) before the holidays are upon you. As a senior, you’re probably knee-deep in grad school applications, figuring out just how much you can make teaching English in South Korea after graduation, or finally planning that move to NYC after commencement.

No matter where you are in your college career, one thing is certain: You don’t have the cash to put down on an epic holiday gift.

Here’s the catch: You actually do, because great gifts don’t have to cost a lot of money. Start by simply listening to your partner, and he or she will likely tell you what is desired. A thoughtful gift trumps one that’s just expensive for the sake of it, every time.

However, gift giving is both a talent and a skill that not everyone excels at. Here’s your cheat sheet to affordable holiday gifts that should make the season a little less stressful.

1. A heartfelt love note

This is not an email, nor is it something typed and printed at the library. Simply put, nobody writes love notes anymore — and it can be pretty intimidating if writing isn’t your forte.

Don’t worry; nobody expects you to be Pablo Neruda. Start by making a list of what you like or love about your partner. Buy some nice stationery, tuck it in a card, and practice your best penmanship. Chances are, this note will be kept forever.

2. A mix tape

Again, this is a throwback gift, and it really is a mix tape you need to make — not a CD or a playlist from iTunes. You likely grew up watching “old school” movies from the 80s, and the moves people made in those films are timeless.

Listen to the lyrics to choose your songs. See if you can recall a song that’s special to you and your partner. If possible, track down an old boom box (eBay it) because your partner probably doesn’t have one.

3. A home cooked meal

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to cook — if they can do it on Chopped, you can pull together something. Have a picnic in your dorm room, or get some friends to help if you’re really unsure in the kitchen.

Choose some recipes that aren’t too difficult and dive right in. Hey, even a grilled cheese sandwich with Gruyere cheese can be sweet and romantic with some candlelight and a homemade cocktail or wine.

4. A photo album

Photo albums are something people just don’t make anymore since everything’s on Instagram. Pull some favorite photos of you and your partner, put them on a flash drive, and head to Kinkos for some cheap printing.

Pull everything together in a scrap book, and voila! It’s a touching memento of you, your better half, and the college years (so far).

5. Something he or she really needs

Be careful with this one, because it really depends on your partner’s style. It’s a cliche that women don’t want to be given a blender or a similarly utilitarian gift (even though there are plenty that would kill for a ninja).

If your sweetheart would be happy with such a gift, how about one of those The Art of Shaving kits or a new set of flannel bed sheets?

There’s something to be said for showing you pay attention and care about your special person’s comfort.

6. An IOU book

Sheldon Cooper may have employed this, but depending on what the coupons are for, this can actually be very sweet. Offer up massages, dinner at that little Mom and Pop place you have to drive an hour to enjoy, or anything else you specialize at.

After all, who wouldn’t want a month of scraping snow off the car when winter term starts?

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LifestyleSex and Relationships

Israel: The Bedouin Tents

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The evening began with a bumpy camel ride, foreshadowing future testicular pain that was to come…For those unfamiliar with the history of the Bedouins, they are the nomadic tent dwellers who most commonly reside in the Middle East…some ruthless individuals may go as far as calling them the dirty hippies of the holy land…but with camels…Personally, I chose to describe their lifestyle as, “Burning Man, without the art, free love and the fire”…but they are very hospitable people.

For dinner the Bedouins served us a traditional meal…Despite its uncanny resemblance to Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco Treat, it was a lovely meal and a terrific destruction of ethnocentricity…Although we had gained a new appreciation for the Bedouin culture and cuisine, we did find it interesting that only a few feet beyond our tents rested several mobile homes, equipped with air conditioning units, televisions and satellite dishes…. But then again everyone knows how much those crazy Bedouins love their “Greys Anatomy.”

After the meal, several members of our group along with members from the other two groups with whom we were sharing a tent (approximately one hundred people) went to sleep in order to physically prepare for the 5:00 AM hike up Mount Masada…Unbeknown to us, prior to our “Birthright Expedition,” Masada is the location where a sect of Jews committed group suicide as the Romans stormed up to their plateau civilization…They felt that group suicide was a jingoistic action as defeat appeared to be forthcoming…Despite the fact that we had an early morning wake-up call; my associates and I were not amongst those headed toward the pillow…There were too many bottles of wine to be drunk, bongos to be slapped and ladies to love…

At approximately 1:30 AM, after quenching our desert inflicted thirst with some fine Mediterranean vino, I headed to the sandy hills with a special lady…Ironically I had traveled half way around the world only to meet a special lady who lived a few blocks from my house in New York…Well, I laid down a blanket like the gent that I am and we began to enjoy ourselves beneath the stars of the Middle Eastern Sky…Much to my surprise and delight, she stuck her hand in my drawers…There I was…in the birthplace of western religion catching a handy…I only imagined Jacob doing the same as he wore his Technicolor dreamcoat with great satisfaction…

Handy’s are not something most men aspire to receive but, under the right circumstances, it can be a nostalgic and pleasurable action…Prior to the evening in the Bedouin tents, I felt a rebirth of the feeling of when I was a child at summer camp…that alone brought me great happiness…a happiness that must be experienced in order to understand…Camp and handy’s…they went together like Satal and Masochism…like Ben and Jerry…

Then, just as I was basking in my glory days, she stopped midway….just…stopped…I turned to the lady to see if everything was all right…carpal tunnel is a serious condition and I would never want to see someone put their future at risk just to give me a handy…I’m not that selfish….But before I could say anything she asked me, with all seriousness, “What’s your favorite color?….Shocked at the insane timing of such a banal question I told her my favorite color was black, laid back down and extreme awkwardness ensued…After noticing that my Bedouin tent was still pitched she carried on with the process….no joke, approximately 30 seconds later she stopped again!!!! And once again she turned to me and asked, “What’s your favorite restaurant on Long Island?”…WHATTT??? My favorite restaurant is Mim’s!!!!…She agreed that it was a quality establishment…and the process resumed, yet again….

This happened about ten times until I had had enough…You can only put a man through so much pain…I picked up the blanket and told her that it was lovely spending time with her but we needed to get some sleep…After all, in less than two hours we would be marching up Mount Masada to see the sun rise over the Dead Sea…I returned to the tent unfulfilled but my soul felt fine….

Upon returning to the tent I saw my associate Zack writing on sleeping bodies with his newly acquired sharpie marker…Brief side note: Zack’s brilliant idea was that if he wrote on himself as well, no one would accuse him of such actions…funny idea but not overly successful…However, I do respect his enthusiasm…I quickly fell asleep but was awakened briefly by Zack’s marker on my face…I was primarily upset by his actions but his sincere response negated all of my unpleasant emotions…His rationale was that he “didn’t want people to falsely accuse me of such heinous actions” so he felt the need to draw a moustache on my face…I giggled and went back to sleep…

4:30 AM WAKE UP CALL…Oh shit…I knew something was wrong right away…BLUE BALLS…a case so severe that I struggled to walk to the public outhouse only thirty feet away…HOW WAS I GOING TO HIKE UP A MOUNTAIN?…Waddling like a dweble, I made it to the bathroom only to see a line of 40 males….It was imperative that I ejaculate immediately but there were no stalls available…What was I going to do if I had to hike in such an astonishing amount of pain? I was born to be a father and this could risk it all!!!…As I contemplated my paternal future I heard our group leaders voice in the distance…“ONE MINUTE, ONE MINUTE UNTIL THE BUSES LEAVE. WE MUST MAKE SURE WE SEE THE SUN RISE”…I was doomed…

I grabbed my backpack, vomited outside the tent and dragged myself to the back of the bus, ashamed and unsure of what I was going to do…Unlike most American buses, the Israeli buses did not have a bathroom, which eliminated the idea of a casual bathroom crank session…Keeping with our established trip tradition, I sat in the back row beside two female friends…one of whom I had know from my days of summer camp and the other a friend of hers from college…Although we had only known each other briefly, we immediately shared a familial bond…

The girls knew something was wrong with me…They sensed my pain…I told them what had happened the night before and they wanted to help “ease my pain,” like Ray Consella helping James Earl Jones’s character in the film “Field of Dreams.”…However, they wanted nothing to do with any physical assistance…something we did not discuss but upon which we telepathically agreed…These two were family….

Mystified, I stared out the window into the pitch black desert as our bus steamrolled down the road like the Romans charging toward Masada…Because we were heading to view the sunrise, it was not only dark outside, but the interior of the bus was dark as well…Everyone had gone sleep for the 30 minute ride…fuck it…the deed had to be done….

I asked one of the ladies to hold up a towel to shield me in case someone did awaken…and as a means to pretend like I had an ounce of class…Then I sent the troops in. Operation Blue Balls had commenced…Luckily, the other lady who I was sitting beside generously offered a breast as a visual aid and I engaged in battle…I fought and fought but the deed was not getting done…intense angst ran through my blood as I could smell Masada approaching…

Suddenly, the heavens opened just as the group leader took the microphone to awaken my fellow tour members…After intense fighting the troops were successful…I was able to send them home in time to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family…Mission accomplished…

As for the hike? Well the hike was a glorious one and the sunrise was the finest my eyes had ever seen…Happiness in the holy land…if you build it….

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Sex and Relationships

How Porn Can Screw Up Your Love Life

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Whether you are in a relationship or not, you are a man or a woman, or you enjoy it or you don’t, porn is an issue for everyone. From the way that men view women to the way women feel they are supposed to behave to the way people feel about relationships, porn is an issue.

Porn is increasingly easy to obtain. It can be purchased on television, viewed at on the Internet, and purchased in bookstores. Its accessibility via the Internet means that porn is literally in your pocket — on your smartphone or tablet. But porn is not good for society or your love life.

Porn causes psychological issues for men

It might seem like something that makes men happy, but in reality porn has quite the opposite effect for them. Men who view porn with regularity tend to suffer from depression, anxiety, and controlling tendencies. They also have low self-esteem, become highly introverted, and are exceptionally narcissistic, according to psychologists at the University of Illinois at Chicago. If the man in your relationship uses porn, watch for these unattractive traits.

Porn is demeaning

It comes as no surprise that studies show porn is demeaning to women. Porn teaches those who watch that women are little more than sex slaves placed on earth with the sole purpose of pleasing men — all men. Women who view porn tend to believe their value lies in their ability to do exactly that. Men begin to see women as nothing more than objects designed to do as they say, when they say it.

Porn causes selfishness

Your love life should be primarily about love and affection. While sex does not necessarily mean love for everyone who engages, it is an intimate act that involves consideration of the other person. Porn makes people view sex as a selfish pastime. It’s no longer about mutual enjoyment and pleasure.

There’s no consequence

Perhaps the biggest factor porn has on your love life is that it sends the message that there are no consequences. Perhaps your partner is addicted to porn and thinks that as long as you don’t find out about his porn addiction or his frequent trips to the strip club, it won’t hurt you. However, porn neglects to mention side effects such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. Porn also leads men to believe that all women want sex, even if they say no.

Quitting porn

Quitting porn might not be easy, but it is doable. It means accepting accountability for your actions. It means sharing your secret with someone who can help you, blocking all entry points, and facing your problems. Setting consequences for yourself each time you fail and look at porn is another good tactic for quitting. Get rid of porn. Block your ability to look at it.

Getting it done

Kicking your porn habit is going to improve your love life. Right now, it’s causing you to objectify women, it’s lowering your self-esteem, and it’s turning you into an introverted narcissist. Quitting may not be easy, but it is doable.

Much like other forms of addiction recovery, you will work to overcome porn every day for the rest of your life, but each day that ends in success is its own reward.

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Sex and Relationships

Despite the Stigma, Online Dating Lowers Divorce Rates

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One out of three Americans today meets his or her spouse online. Further, couples who meet online are less likely to end up in divorce court. They’ll also enjoy a more stable, fulfilling marriage than people who met offline.

These findings are reported in a new study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

How the study was conducted

The study examined the marriages of people who were wed during the seven-year period between 2005 and 2012, a group that included more than 19,000 people. Of those individuals, 35% met their mates online. Within that group, almost half met through a formal dating site. Those who did not meet via a dating site became acquainted through social media outlets, email, chat rooms, or some other online venue.

The findings

The study demonstrated that about 8% of people who met their spouses offline ended up in divorce court. However, only about 6% who met online applied for a divorce. The study was funded by eHarmony, which has led some to call its objectivity into question.

“What is clear from this research is that a surprising number of Americans now meet their spouse on-line,” according to the study. “Meeting a spouse on-line is, on average, associated with slightly higher marital satisfaction and lower rates of marital break-up than meeting a spouse through traditional (off-line) venues.”

The rationale

The authors of the research make the claim, based on previous studies, that people who seek a mate online are more likely to be honest about themselves. Additionally, there are more of the proverbial “fish in the ocean” in an online forum: a larger selection of suitable candidates are available who are looking for a life-long relationship.

“It is possible that individuals who met their spouse online may be different in personality, motivation to form a long-term marital relationship, or some other factor,” according to the study’s lead author, John Cacioppo.

Other findings

There are other aspects of the study, besides the online one, that are worthy of note. A majority of Americans still meet their spouses outside of cyberspace. Of those that do, people who meet their mates at parties, churches, or school seem to enjoy greater marital bliss than those who meet on a blind date, at work, or at a bar.

When it does end …

For those whose marriages do end, however, it is important that divorce proceedings be handled professionally. The last thing any collapsing marriage needs, in addition to the heartache of the split itself, is legal and/or financial complications brought about because the parties did not make use of qualified legal representation. A competent attorney who specializes in family law is the best friend to someone whose marriage is coming apart.

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Sex and Relationships

Sex and The Internet

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People have been curious about sex since the beginning of time. With the advent of the internet, people now have access to information, videos and even tools to help improve their sexual activity. But what have we learned about ourselves in terms of sex in the age of the internet? Have a look at this infographic that gives us insight into the hows and whats of sex in the 21st century.

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Sex and Relationships

15 More Hot Pictures Of Courtnie Quinlan

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The Facebook votes are in and apparently a simple Courtnie Quinlan Morning Wood just wasn’t enough. Yeah, we can’t blame you, and we’re more than happy to do a gallery. I hate to disappoint, but I only managed to find 15 pictures. The problem, if you could call it one, is that Courtnie Quinlan just doesn’t like wearing a shirt on camera. Bad for us, lucky for you. Look for Courtnie Quinlan to make a much overdo American splash in the near future. Morning Wood will do that.

 

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Sex and Relationships

Kate Upton Tries On Some Swimsuits. NBD.

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I wish I was a photographer for Beach Bunny swimsuits, because then I could get paid to take pictures of Kate Upton half-naked all day long. We just posted a group of Kate Upton pics from Beach Bunny like, a week ago, so either this girl is making moves (she is 2011’s Socialite of the Year, after all) or this photog just has a boner for the hottie. Both options are highly possible.

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Sex and Relationships

20 Hot Pictures of Larissa Riquelme

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The verdict is in. Our Facebook fans want 20 more pictures of today’s Morning Wood: Larissa Riquelme. You were already formally introduced this morning to the Paraguayan bombshell who made her bones getting caught on camera at the 2010 World Cup. Larissa Riquelme has eye-gouging “assets” and a stare that will make your chest sink into your stomach. Request granted. Check out 20 more hot pictures.

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Sex and Relationships

Morning Wood: Susan Coffey

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susan coffey

Attention Socialites! Let the record show that I have officially put Matty Show in his place and found thee hottest Morning Wood of all time. And it only took me a week. Susan Coffey is nothing short of stunning. Granted, I am a huge red head fan, but in my opinion this girl transcends hair color. She is….beautiful? That’s not a word that appears often on The Campus Socialite, I know, but to use a cruder term would be cheapening this glorious, life changing moment of serenity. I’ll turn you back over to Matt for tomorrow, Socialites. I’d just like you to know that as much as waking up at 8:30 to do these articles every morning sucked, it was all leading up to this. Legacy dominated. Peace.

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susan coffey

susan coffey

susan coffey

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