Congratulations Freshie, you’re now halfway done with your first year of college. High School now seems like forever ago and all the expectations you’ve had about college have been made a reality. The first semester can be tough: Being in an unfamiliar place and not knowing that the fuck you’re doing.
Fortunately you don’t need to go through another fall semester of freshman year ever again. Now that you’re comfortable, here’s what you should have learned last semester, and if you haven’t: Well, my friend, you have some catching up to do.
First semester it was completely okay to dress like a slut because you didn’t know any better. Now that you’re a few months into college you should know that you do not need to skank it up to get a frat daddy all over you. The second thing you should know is that those hooker boots and super high heels are a horrible idea if you plan on going to a crowded party. Two signs that a freshman is a “party girl” is how short her skirt is and how close to being out and about her boobs are. Second semester as a freshie is both a chance to redeem yourself (for all those bad outfits) and to laugh at the girls that still haven’t gotten the memo.
I know, I know…I don’t like to admit it either, but the truth is you actually have to learn in college. Whether you figured that the hard way or not this past semester, it’s a fact. You might have gotten by just barely this semester but now it’s time to buckle down. Think of it this way: study hard, play harder. Figure out when shit’s due ahead of time, knock it out, and then the only thing you’ll have left to worry about is how fast you can finish the 40’s in the fridge. Trust me, if you don’t pick up on this now, it’s only a matter of time before you’re begging your dean for a second chance.
Campus Maps are Lame
If you’ve been at the school for longer than a week and you still own/use a campus map, there’s a problem. If you have a major, most of your classes are probably in the same area and you should not need a map to find them. Nothing says “hey, I’m new here” more than a campus map. The worst part is you are no longer new to the campus so there really is no excuse for walking around like a tourist to your school.
It’s Not Okay to Show Up to Parties Early
So I’ve been at school for three years now and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: Never show up to a party early. I would rather get there late with no chance of a running keg than get there the same time as a freshman. If a party says it starts at 10:30, DO NOT show up at 10:30. Instead, pregame a little longer in the dorms and get the buzz just where it needs to be. The longer you stay in and drink your own booze, the less time you’ll have to wait in those lines for a warm beer.
Your RA Isn’t There to Ruin Lives
When you move into the dorms you usually get a list of rules and regulations and blah blah blah. Suddenly, home away from home isn’t as amazing as you thought. That’s where any first semester freshie is wrong. You can drink and smoke and do whatever the hell you want in your dorm rooms because, truthfully, no one gives a shit, including your Resident Advisor. All they are really there for is to really make sure you are still breathing after a ridiculous Friday night. If they don’t see you pounding shots in your dorm room, then it’s like it never happened.