In a perfect world, every time a man and woman got together and had sex, they would both have mind-blowing orgasms and be pleased beyond belief. But sadly, this isn’t a perfect world. We still have to go to shady drug dealers to get our weed(c’mon lawmakers, legalize it and the tax dollars will be flowing in). And we still have to live in a country under the threat/stupidity that Sarah Palin may be running for president in 2012. Damn.
But while we are all still young and horny, let’s not think about world peace for a minute and focus on sex. Because everyone likes sex, talking about sex, having sex, thinking about sex, etc. So if you’re trying to step up your game for your lady, or just want to impress a whole new slew of girls, here’s some sex tips for men from a woman.
Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay
You’ve heard it a million times, but I’ll say it once more, foreplay is the key to pleasing your woman in bed. It takes us a little longer to get in the mood, and unlike guys we don’t have something that gets hard so you know we’re ready to go. So I know this can be difficult for men to understand, but take things slow.
Start by kissing your lady passionately and softly. No girl likes it when a guy licks her face and forces his tongue in her mouth. Soft kisses and soft touches are the key at first and once we get a little more worked up, you can start roughing us around a little more.
Once you know she’s ready, then you can squeeze her ass, pull her hair, and tell her what you think about her (awesome, perfect, beautiful, sexy…just a few key words to use when describing a woman you want to have sex with again).
Girls want guys to be vocal in bed and let them know what feels good and what’s working, not just have them shove their hands down our pants and feel around.
Won’t You Take Me to Pleasure Town?
If you really want to please your lady/one night stand/best friend who you’re accidentally sleeping with right off the bat, then go down on her. Show her she’s worth more time and energy on your part than just the usual foreplay, then missionary, then girl-on-top sex.
The key to making your woman happy during foreplay, oral sex, and intercourse is clitoral stimulation. And if you don’t know that by know, gents, please don’t stop reading. Women are more likely to orgasm via clitoral stimulation than penetration, and a guy who actually knows what he’s doing down there is a turn-on.
True story: my best friend in college was actually texting me one night while a guy from her one class was going down on her. And she wasn’t texting me how great he was. She was texting me to meet her at McDonald’s in 10 minutes for chicken nuggets because they were the only thing that could erase the past 10 minutes of her life from her memory.
So men, if you have no idea where a woman’s clitoris is, I suggest you google it ASAP. Or pick up an anatomy book at your local library. But for those who are already well versed in pleasing your lady, take some extra time and play with her. If you don’t know what she likes, ask her. Or ask her to show you how she does it on her own. If you see her doing it by herself, then you’ll know what she thinks feels good and then you can do your best to replicate that.
And Sometimes We Just Want to Be….
And sometimes, girls just want a good fuck. None of that caressing and loving and smooching for hours set by candlelight, but a good old-fashioned raunchy sex session. Please, pick me up and put me on the kitchen counter and devour every inch of my body like it’s the most miraculous thing you’ve ever seen or had the pleasure of touching.
Sometimes we want to be called a dirty girl while you take us from behind and pull our hair, it feels good and animalistic and I’m getting excited just typing it.
There is a time to make love and a time to fuck, and it is time to fuck after you stumble home from the bar at 2 a.m. (which is how a solid portion of co-ed’s experience sex in college).