Thanksgiving is an All-American holiday. You watch and play football, drink up, and stuff your face with all the great foods that the Pilgrims and Native Americans supposedly enjoyed together hundreds of years ago. Afterwards you lounge around the first toasty fireplace of the coming Winter, rub your round belly, and moan in satisfaction. Eventually you pass out from all the tryptophan in the turkey. If you really want to enjoy your Thanksgiving though, there’s a special ingredient that makes every part of the day even better than usual…
Weed. If you think about it, Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday to splurge on a large amount of marijuana. You sit on your ass all day eating food, watching TV, napping, and being generally merry…sounds like the life of a stoner to me. The holiday is all about giving thanks to the Earth for all the plentiful bounty we have, so I don’t see why pot can’t be included in there with corn, potatoes, cranberries, pumpkins, turkey, and lots of hard apple cider. So, this Thanksgiving incorporate some of the Devil’s Harvest into your day.
I, personally, like to go all-out, balls-to-the-wall on Turkey Day. Buy some good nuggets in bulk with your friends, and start early. I always attempt to squeeze in every kind of weed consumption I possibly can. Wake up, hit a vaporizer, and float around while all the food is getting prepared.
While the turkey is baking away, melt some butter on the stove and toss some of your choice herbs in there. Look up different receipes on how to make the perfect hash butter. There are plenty of different strategies to choose from, and some work better than others. Afterwards, throw that stanky goodness in the fridge so that it re-solidifies, and then you can literally use it for all of your food. Mix it in with your mashed potatoes or melt it on your stuffing. Spread it on some bread. Throw some gravy over it all. If you eat it with everything, you’ll be feeling good in no time. The more you eat, the hungrier you’ll become, which is great for a day when you’re main purpose is to get fat.
After your belly is bulging with turkey meat, it’s time to enjoy an aftermeal toke. Grab your favorite paraphrenalia and plant yourself on the couch. If you have a recliner or similar one-person arm chair, that’s the move to make. Once you’re in that seat, be prepared to stay there for the rest of the day. I keep some potato chips, pretzels, nuts, and M&M’s near me just in case I feel like munching out some more (I know it’s hard to imagine eating more after that outrageous six course meal, but when you’re stoned it’s just impossible to stop eating). Turn on some football and then proceed to smoke and drink yourself retarded. When you start forgetting the score every few seconds, you’re nearing the climax of the day. You should already be as close to a warm fire as humanly possible.
The next thing you know, Thanksgiving is over. You wake up in your favorite chair the next morning with drool all over your shirt. You don’t remember what time you passed out. You’re amazingly well-rested, and super comfortable where you are. Although Thanksgiving is technically over, this day is basically a continuation of the festivities. Put that TV back on, wrap yourself in a blanket, roll up a blunt, and veg out for the entire day with friends and family.
By the way, The Campus Socialite does not condone the use of illegal drugs, but if it’s legal near you, then go for it.
