By: Barry Fisher (University of Michigan)
This past weekend I went on my first trip from Barcelona. When it came time for my friends and I to decide on where we should travel to for our first trip there was really only one option… AMSTERDAM. Come on, anyone in the world who smokes weed hopes to visit this wonderful city ever since they sparked their first joint. Let me tell you, Amsterdam definitely lives up to the hype; it’s like Disney World for college kids. There are endless amounts of coffee shops where you can purchase various types of grass and you’re more than welcome to blaze inside. The cultural differences really are remarkable. They have no need to pop bottles on a Saturday night because the coffee shops bump techno while everyone gets high as balls. I gotta admit it was a nice change of pace.
For our first day in Amsterdam we did what any irresponsible immature 20 year olds would do…we ate shrooms. If you ever have the opportunity to take mushrooms, take advice from Nike and just do it. Hands down, one of the top five days of my life. Tripping balls in a foreign country is really something that is hard to top. After eating 15 grams of Amsterdam’s finest, we went to their version of Central Park and let the day begin. It was like looking at the world in HD, I have never seen greener grass or purer ponds. The bad decision came when we decided to leave the park. NEVER try to walk around in the crowded streets of a foreign country while you’re on psychedelic drugs, it just doesn’t lead to good things. We walked into a coffee shop and must have missed the “members only sign” because we walked directly in and proceeded to spark a J. The next thing we know we’re getting yelled at by Middle Easterners in God knows what language. This would be a bad situation if we were sober so the fact that none of us could compose ourselves didn’t help. Needless to say we got the fuck out of there immediately and somehow found our way back to the park.
Day 2 – Government Regulated Hookers…yes that’s right, prostitution is completely legal and apparently the government tests all of the hookers to make sure that they are “clean.” On top of that I’d say about one out of every two of them was actually very attractive. So then the real dilemma comes: to bang or not to bang? I had a little talk with my mind which first told me “don’t get with a prostitute, that’s gross,” and then my conscience and integrity left me and I began to think “fuck it, it’s college.” These lovely women stand in the windows of their tiny rooms so that you can choose which one you’d like. After the window-shopping I managed to find the girl of my dreams and negotiate her down to 50 Euros (that’s like $70 because of our shitty economy). I then proceeded with the grimy yet memorable experience (obviously using protection) and I must say the sex was phenomenal. She really was a professional. Don’t judge me I’m human.
Some Final Tips
-Rent a bike to get around the city.
-Lightweight’s do not eat too many space cakes
-If you have the money, get the 2 for 1 special in the Red Light District
Sight Seeing- Van Gogh Museum, Anne Frank House (If your Jewish your parents will be happy you went), Rijksmuseum, Cannabis College, Heineken Brewery (Great Place and Free Beers)
Best Coffee Shops- Dampkring (Oceans 12 was filmed there), Barney’s (Order breakfast and smoke a joint while you eat), The Dolphin (Most Comfortable), The Grasshopper, Grey Area
Best Places to Stay- The Golden Tulip (Solid Hotel), Bulldog Hostel (If on a Budget), Marriot Amsterdam (Where most American college students stay)
Clubs- If after all the pot smoking you’re still trying to party… For pre-partying, head to Lux (Marnixstraat 403) Bitterzoet (Spuistraat 2), or Seymour Likely (Nieuwezijds Voorburgwal 250) for live DJs. Join the dance crowd at Mazzo (Rozengracht 114), Club More (Rozengracht 133), and Paradiso (Weteringschans 6-8).
That’s all for now.
Keep it classy.
We all know I won’t.