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The Death of Jersey Shore?

Most episodes start out with the gang talking about their escapades from last night, then a mini montage happens of them getting dressed, looking at themselves in the mirror and being generally douche-y. Next up, “Cabs are hee-yaa”, and the tanned pack of Jersey beasts head into their feeding ground, Karma. The Jersey Shore isn’t scripted, but after three seasons, the same predictable plot lines, and the ability of the characters to do the same thing everyday: it very well could be.

House music, booty poppin’, and public make outs are all the rage at this Jersey night club, and once it’s closing time, it’s back to the house for some greasy food and awkward two person in a room hook-ups. Enter Sam and Ron stumbling in drunk from the bar, eyes glazed and screaming, “This is it!,”“WE’RE OVER!”. Followed by a mess of tears from Ron and the stink eye to anyone who’s around from Sam. Throw in a random scene where the Situation makes a joke and the closing shot of them all saying “We’re family! We love each other!” and you’ve got an episode of Jersey Shore.

jersey shore cast

Jersey Shore showed all of America what most college students already know; if you’re of age, at the beach, and have some game: things are going to get out of control. The show was a smash success for MTV, who is no stranger to the world of reality television. The “Real World” is now the longest running reality show on television, currently in its 25th season.

The Jersey Shore premiered to 1.3 million viewers on Dec. 4, 2009 and continues to be a powerhouse in the ratings.  The third season finale aired on March 24 and was watched by 7.6 million people, making it the highest rated season finale to date. Even after receiving heavy criticism from Italian American organizations following the first season premiere, the Jersey Shore machine couldn’t be stopped. Press tours, heavy media attention, magazine covers, and even a “Dancing with the Stars” try, the cast of the show took full advantage of the Jersey Shore craze. And now after three seasons state side, producers are taking the cast international.  Season 4 will shoot in Italy, and while the cast is still in salary negotiations, the season is set to air later this year.

snooki book cover

Personally, I think three seasons is enough for MTV’s cash cow. We’ve seen, more than we’d like to admit. We’ve watched enough of the smushing, clogged toilets, and abusive relationships. Their 15 minutes are up, or at least they should be. Is season 4 in Italy really necessary? I mean, I would like to visit Italy someday without ever being compared to any of the spray-tanned, binge-drinking, barbarians that I hate to admit I watch every Thursday night.

The eight cast members have become celebrities in their own right, releasing books, workout DVD’s, clothing lines, and even vodka. The guidos and guidettes have become America’s biggest guilty pleasure, but now it’s time for them to go away.

When I hear that the Situation makes millions of dollars a year, but has no college degree, or anything substantial to put on a resume, it actually makes me sick. What’s the point of going to college anymore when you can be a man whore? Oh that’s right, because most people don’t want to be known as a tool bag for the rest of their lives.

Alas, I am just jealous and wish someone were booking me to show up at a club and drink free Patron all night for a cool 10 grand. Or excuse me, $32K, as Snooki was recently offered to speak at Rutger’s University.

the situation

Considering she’s not a college grad and the only thing she could have a degree in is hair poofing and smushing, I don’t understand why the school would shell out so much cash to have her give students the advice to “study hard, but party harder.” To add further insult to higher education, she was paid more than Pulitzer-prize winning author Toni Morrison, who received $30,000 for her commencement address there.

Earning what some post-grads make in their yearly salary for one episode? Not bad for doing what college kids do every weekend. Just switch the Ron Ron juice for a bottle of Vlady, and the hot tub for your best friends front porch.

But what’s next for MTV, when their hit show has to take a hiatus or finally goes off air? I don’t think the public can handle anymore “16 & Pregnant” spin-offs. MTV is bringing the British teen comedy “The Inbetweeners” to the airwaves and has ordered a complete season of the show. It also has in the works a reality show focusing on Dan Savage, a sex columnist giving sex advice, and a dating show from the creators of Jersey Shore.

It’s going to take a lot more than “Skins” to attract viewers in their targeted demographic, and unless they can find another Snooki, MTV has a lot of work to do.

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