Courtesy of Miggity of The Ultimate Hatelist
Besides my dad’s Lady Gaga ring tone, Ghost Calls are quite possibly one of the most irksome exchanges one can have with a cellular telephone. To clarify, a Ghost Call transpires in the event of a missed call from an unknown number that doesn’t result in a voicemail. This hate presents a particularly unique brand of off-putting aggravation, which can only be compared to watching the vaginal crowing scene from Knocked Up.
Was that call important? And why didn’t they leave a message? Maybe it was my boss wondering why I missed that meeting? Maybe John Cusack called to tell me he lifted the restraining order against me? I don’t know, it could have been anyone. The whole ghost call situation is like being on the wrong end of a glory hole. And now my hate is just squirting all over the place because I don’t know who it should be aimed at.
While we are on the subject, I would also like to include the phenomenon known as the Phantom Vibe, which I guess falls under the same general category of haunted phone stuff. The phantom vibe is a result of the psychosomatic anomaly that causes you to think you’re receiving a call or text message when you’re actually not. You can be sure that you felt a vibe, but low and behold, you have an empty inbox. It’s like the inverse of sex with me. While you’re sure you didn’t feel anything, low and behold, my pathetic excuse for a preschooler’s schmeckle is swimming around in your inbox. Sometimes it’s hard come to terms with the fact that you’re continually the recipient of a phantom vibe. Maybe you’re just not as popular as you’d always thought. It’s okay; ‘I had a bad case of loser denial myself, until the lacrosse team shoved a parking cone up my ass.’
Honorable Mention: The Shadow Greeting – this is when someone’s voicemail greeting makes it sound like they are answering the phone. Assholes.
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