Courtesy of Miggity of The Ultimate Hatelist.
You see, the beauty of pants is derived from their simplicity, and in turn, their function. They should be easy to get on, easier to get off, and there should be as few steps as possible between my penis and urination or potential vaginal insertion. Last time I wore a button fly my dick told me that he felt like Andy Dufresne crawling through that shit pipe in Shawshank to freedom.
I mean, there is no need for me to go further in depth as to the obvious design flaws of the button fly, because it’s so much more than that. The self-deprecating notion that I’ve come to believe is that I am the only person in the world who cannot figure out how to button a fly. The whole world does it everyday, why cant I? If it were actually inferior to the zipper it would not exist. It would have gone the way of the VCR, audiocassette, or Discman with 20 second ESP. Yet here it is, staring me in the face, mocking me. And you know what? We deserve better than that. And for you assholes out there who wonder to themselves as to why I don’t just only buy pants with the zipper. Well first of all fuck you, that’s not the point of the Hatelist. More importantly, they make my ass look great…
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