By: Thelonius Pipe-Layre
If you haven’t already read Part I of my dating tools of the trade, then I strongly suggest you catch up before proceeding. Now that you’re up to speed, let’s not waste any more time and dig a little deeper into the dating scene.
The Dinner Date (The closest thing to what anthropologists have called “an actual date” since the end of the Cretaceous Period)
The Setup: An honest follow-up date or a risky first move. The details are sketchy, but you’ll find some examples covered in every romance movie ever made. The reality is that this type of date is an endangered species for college students. Seriously, you’ve got a better chance of spotting a bald eagle riding a unicorn.
The Win/Exit Strategy: If you’re timid, try going to a place where there are people you know, or, if all else fails, locate your very own pair of testicles. Honestly, real dates aren’t always so bad – but again, dinner dates provide a variety of escape methods, including but not limited to: phoning a friend for emergency evacuation, feigning stomach sickness and rushing to the bathroom, or even death. Do what works best for you.
The Mate Date (Everything that happens prior to getting to the bedroom is known as “foreplay”)
The Setup: Basically, someone has been eye-humping you long enough to deplete tear ducts from loss of fluids. Chances are they would love to provide a physical demonstration. Honestly, you don’t need comments on this. Between the “random” physical contact and the subtle innuendo, this kind of “date” pretty much describes the common “from the bar room to your room” hookups that are a staple of college. Unfamiliar with the territory? That’s what she said. Sorry, that one was too easy.
The Win/Exit Strategy: Climax first. You win. Mazel Tov!
* – Thelonius Pipe-Layre is a regular contributor to Points in Case.
