With the end of the semester upon us the partying is at an all time high. Classes are over for the year and it’s time to celebrate. Go out, get crazy, and bring back the skanks from your poli sci class or all those grad school girls who have been couped up all semester in the library. If you get shot down (which most of you will unless you’re a Campus Socialite) have no fear, there are always good times to be had back home. All of us have that friend who gets insanely drunk no matter what night of the week it is and passes out in every place except their bed (see bathroom floor, small couch in the living room, or hallway in the dorms). I am clearly that guy that instigates messing with all the drunk people I encounter, check out my top 10 ways to mess with your drunk friends.
10 – The Always Humorous Sharpie Dicks: The beginner level of shaming, but definitely the easiest to execute. It’s always great waking up in the morning and watching your friend scrub genitals off their face before they have to head to class… even better if they don’t realize it until they get to campus.
9 – Garbage Dumping: Be a good friend when your buddy is passed out drunk and cover them up so they don’t catch a cold. Their blanket is so far away and the obvious next choice would be all the garbage you left around the house from the pre-game. Pizza boxes, solo cups, beer boxes, plastic bags, newspapers….if you can find it feel free to throw it on the collection. The entire garbage can gets bonus points… after all what are friends for.
8 – Body Canvas: This is for the kids that drink for the first time with the big boys (see all college freshman coming from the dorms). If you come across this new breed immediately go to any art majors room and get as many markers, paint, white out or whatever the hell can be used to color in an entire kids body. Like the always humorous sharpie dicks, this can be pulled off with just writing all over the body canvas but style takes it up a notch.
7 – The Tidal Wave: More of a beginner level but the reason for its ranking at 7 is because you can pull this off on anyone you choose. Whether it be your best friend wasted with a war pig in his room, or the douche bag RA down the hall this tactic is effective. Simply fill a garbage can with water and lean it up against your targets door- they had a rough night you owe it to them to refresh them in morning.
6 – King Tut: This is definitely the most convenient prank to pull off. Your friends passed out on the bathroom floor hugging the porcelain thrown and it just so happens there are rolls of toilet paper next to him. The natural thing to do would be to wrap him up right? Fully covered in toilet paper is pretty funny…extra points if you dump water on them.
5 – The Sleepwalker: When getting back home and finding your buddy passed out in any place but their own bed is truly a shame, you should help them back into bed. That would be the right thing to do, but you know late night drunk is all about STLD, so instead grab a few of your friends and carefully carry your drunk friend to a very public location. Waking up on the front lawn with the mailman or gardener waking around you is a sign that you had a great night.
4 – Jug of Life Switcharoo: By far the biggest dick move of them all. We all know how the best thing when waking up after a long night of drinking is reaching over to any beverage available and pounding it down. When was the last time you ever realized what you were drinking before you started drinking it? Switch your friends water for a water bottle filled with vodka or tequila, by the time they wake up the booze will ass warm and the odds of your buddy puking from drinking again are extremely high.
3 – Air-horn Alarm: As made famous by the guys from Jackass, the Air-horn Alarm is straight up fucking hilarious. No matter how drunk or a heavy sleeper this is sure to scare the shit out of your friend and give the rest of your buddies a great laugh. These guys in the video above really perfected this prank by including the table, well done fellas.
2 – Party Sock: I have only seen this executed twice. If you can pull this off its true Campus Socialite status. Grab a few friends because this one takes multiple people to pull off. Take off your friends sneaker and socks, if your friend is still comatose move forward with operation party sock. Grab a color sharpie and color in your friends entire foot, once completed put back on the sock and sneaker. Whether he/she wakes up in the morning or goes through the entire day with the same socks on they will at some point realize they have the party sock. Besides being fucking hysterical seeing someone with a colored in foot, they now have to scrub that bad boy clean. Only perform on friends blacked out with BAC’s over .30.
1 – Antiquing: By far the funniest of all shaming pranks. There’s nothing like getting a huge handful of baby powder, pancake mix or even protein shake mix and beaming it at one of your helpless friends passed out from too many cups of jungle juice. Watching someone walk around confused with an entire face full of powder makes the night a true success.
If any of you pull off one of these please send pictures or stories and they could be featured on The Campus Socialite. Until next time, keep fucking with your friends and living the dream….