If you’re an aspiring actor/actress, or are just down on your luck finding that “real job” after school, chances are you’re a waiter. Most people can’t fathom how challenging and annoying it is to wait tables until they experience it themselves. Don’t get me wrong, it can be a fun job and is a great way to make bank (i.e. lots of money). However, there will be a few types of people out there who will test your patience and will make you want to shove a burger, or two, down their throats.
Mr. In-A-Hurry
This person is always in a rush. As soon as they sit down, they claim to know what they want to order and don’t care at all to hear the server’s spiel. The food can’t come out fast enough, and they will let you know, on more than one occasion, that they have somewhere else they NEED to be after they eat. This person is usually impossible to please and the best advice is to get this fucker out of there as fast you can. Maybe next time they will choose McDonald’s or realize that they should have ordered the food to go. Impatient bastards.
Too Polite
Yes, there are some people out there who are generally pleasant to wait on. However, in the serving world, usually, these people are compensating for something, which is most likely your tip. This person typically asks for suggestions and even takes you up on your recommendations. They end up loving their meal and go out of their way to tell you how good the service was. Nevertheless, when it comes time to pay up, they seem to be a few dollars short of their appreciation. Watch out for these people, they can be tricky to read. Don’t go out of your way for them or your wallet will be disappointed every time.
Needy Type
There is nobody more aggravating than this individual. They commonly have a food allergy of some sort and ask you about every fucking entrée’s ingredients on the menu. They act like you have all day to cater to them. When their food arrives at the table, they ask for a refill of their drink. When you bring them their refill, they ask for extra condiments. When you bring them their extra condiments, they ask for extra napkins. When you bring them the extra napkins, they tell you that their more-than-half-eaten steak is undercooked. This kind of thing can go on all night. If you see this pattern happening, just bring them out five of everything. That should hold them over for a while. If not, I hope you’re wearing your comfortable shoes.
The Overly Chatty Type
These restaurant goers are usually elderly couples who you would think have done and seen it all. Before you can give them your name and thank them for coming out tonight, they are giving you their life stories. They are asking you a million questions about your personal life rather than about the menu and they just won’t shut up. This can be perfectly alright, if they catch you on a slow day. But if it’s during a dinner rush on a Saturday night, you got to let these old geezers know that you are too busy for a heart-to-heart. If you can find some way to stay patient, it might actually serve you well, in the end.
The Camper
This individual was eating when you started your shift and is still sitting there or is asleep by the end of it. They are frequently a one-top (by themselves) and have brought a magazine or book to keep them company. They most likely can’t take the hint when you ask “if they want anything else?” at least 15 times, which means pay and get the fuck out. Even after your drop the check off to them, they continuously will ask for conveniently-free refills of their beverage. Unless you have no life like them, you are probably better off giving this table to another server and just cutting your losses. You can pay yourself that dollar or two you were going to end up with and go enjoy the rest of your night.
If you already are, or have been a waiter/waitress, you can now sympathize and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in dealing with these asshole customers. We have all gone through it. And for those individuals who have been described above, you should really treat your waiters better. They are in charge of something you’re about to eat. Just some food for thought.
