When I was in high school a male classmate, in all his ignorance, said how people born with both genitalia are lucky because they get to have sex with themselves and are free from contracting STDs. I gave him the side eye of doom and kept it moving. Months later, I was browsing the Internet when I saw a pic of a guy giving himself fellatio. My eyes opened wide and I stared for what felt like a long minute before I clicked to exit the browser. I had seen all I never wanted to see. I had a similar moment this weekend while looking for material for today’s Weird Sex Advice column.
I was browsing the forums on a party website when I saw the title, “Is it possible to catch an STD from yourself?” I think it’s a valid question of sorts. User Brendy_Guy69 wrote,
“I’ve recently had two of my ribs removed due to my line of work (contortionism) and couldn’t resist, on healing from the operation, to try out a bit of self falatio. I thoroughly enjoyed myself at the time but in my haste I forgot use protection and I’m now worried I may have caught something! Can anyone help me please as I don’t know what to do?”
Are you as speechless as I am? I have so many questions: what kind of guy does this? Shouldn’t you know if you have an STD? What oral symptoms are you having that makes you think you caught something? And why do I think a lot of guys have considered doing this?
One good thing about auto fellatio — if there is a good thing to mention — is that it makes the person doing it super flexible. Hence why our contortionist friend thought himself in the best shape to do it. If all guys could do this then it’s mean one less thing for girls to do during foreplay, right? A girl can be hopeful.
The more I search forums, the more I realize I’m still not desensitized to all the freaky, sex-related shit on the Internet.
Until Monday,
The Campus Diva
