Before I even got close to the arena, high heeled pumps, one piece outfits and wigs started to become stylish. Yes, I had just arrived at the Lady Gaga concert, a place where everyone is welcome to the “Monster Ball” and the more ridiculous your clothes, the better. My friends and I rolled up in pretty dresses and high heels, but so did the men who parked next to us. I also brought along my boyfriend after convincing him that he was not going to get raped. Note to self, however: never take a straight male to a Lady Gaga concert, he is going to want to slit his wrists after sitting through it. But wait – There’s more.
Now, I love Lady Gaga: I know every single word to every single song that she has released, but that does not make me want to dress up like her. As we walked up to the venue, it became apparent that everyone around us was a freak, and I just had to take pictures of them on my iPhone. It felt like Halloween all over again, except I wasn’t trashed and everyone was a different version on the same person, and when I mean everyone, I seriously do mean everyone.
Walking to my seats, I noticed the half-naked woman (pictured above) standing next to me in the ticket scanning line. She was wearing nothing but a mesh one-piece “thing,” black underwear, and tape over her tits. I guess she pulled it off in some weird way, but oh my fucking god, if you’re going to be naked, please at least have some sort of decent body. The saggiest people, both men and women, had no shame to bear it all at the concert. Why is it that people who are actually hot care if anyone sees them naked, but the chunky people don’t?
Once arriving at my seat, I looked to my left to see an 8-year-old girl with hair down to her butt, dressed in booty shorts, a crop top, and jeweled eye make up all over her face, with body jewels on her stomach. I didn’t know someone so young could look like such a big slut until I saw this child.
Finally, right before the concert started I walked to the bathroom and passed a man with those freaky looking implant things on his face, like the ones that Gaga rocked for the “Born This Way” music video. Can anyone stop for a moment and think about how ironic that is? No one is born with weird things sticking out of their face, unless you have some sort of sad defect and then, that really sucks for you.
No surprise when Gaga’s opening act came on stage, Semi Precious Weapons, that the lead singer, Justin Tranter, was wearing high heels, a leather jacket and a dress. I’m pretty sure if I had been close enough to the stage I could have seen his dick pop out as he did cartwheels around the microphone.
As Gaga came on stage and played an incredible show, it really became clear just how obsessed fans really are over her. One man had the same tattoo that Gaga has on his arm, and another picture of her face on this leg. I don’t know whether to call it dedication or stupidity?
By the end of the show I thought I had seen every last weirdo possible, but there was one more group of people that caught my eye. It was a group of 65-year-old women, decked out in platform heels, fishnet tights, short skirts, skin tight tank tops and pink boas around their necks. Ohhh my eyes! They burn, they burn! Dear God, if I ever dress like that when I get that old, may God smite me with a bolt of lightning.
Even if you don’t like Lady Gaga, the ticket is worth it just to see the freak show that shows up.