You probably know it as “Black Friday,” but I think it’s become a monster that deserves a more befitting name. It’s actually getting to the point where it overshadows the loveliness of Thanksgiving. Soon, the celebration of giving thanks will just be a footnote to days-long camping trips to the line outside of Best Buy. People care much more about getting their hands on nifty gadgets than having a nice turkey dinner with their families. I don’t blame them, the iPad is awesome. But have you ever just watched Black Friday go down? I’m not asking if you’ve been to a store and participated in the buying, everyone’s done that. Have you ever just stood there and observed people on this day? I have, and that’s why I like to call it Apocalypse Friday.
Stores open earlier and earlier every year. Does Walmart really have to open at 4 AM on Friday? People are going to ransack the store regardless of when it opens, so why not let your slaves…err, I mean employees, sleep until a normal hour. I think the inspiration for this concept comes from the proverb “the early bird gets the worm,” or in this case, the XBox Kinect at a ridiculously low price. It gives those willing to set an alarm the competitive advantage, or as we college students like to call it, “first dibs.” The problem with this idea is that the people who would get up at dawn are preceded by the people who have been camping out for days, which basically makes an early opening irrelevant.
People are animals. More than any day of the year, this is when the crazies come out. The most normal folk turn into beasts for gifts. Last year I watched a mother with a toddler fight an old man over the last copy of a video game. I’m not even sure there were any words exchanged. They just locked eyes, grunted at each other, kicked at the dirt, and then charged at each other like two rhinos fighting for supremacy. People rush from here to there, dragging young kids around by their wrists in an attempt to gather up all of their holiday “needs.” The poor children are literally being pulled around. I would expect this kind of behavior from people if the government had declared that Soviet Russia just launched a nuke our way. But no, people are just in a rush to spend money that they, more likely than not, don’t have.
When all is said and done, the world looks much different than before. When I try to think of an analogy for this situation, there’s one that I always come back to: These people are comparable to a swarm of locusts. Let’s imagine that the mall, fully stocked in all of it’s magnificent consumerist glory, is like a beautiful field of corn stalks before the harvest. Then a black cloud sweeps through the corn, and in a moment it’s come and gone. All that is left of those crops are some roots, dirt, and the occasional half-eaten corn cob laying amongst the aftermath. Are you grasping the imagery? After Black Friday is over, the mall looks like an abandoned wasteland. There are no employees left to work, and no people left to shop. All that remains is a silent structure and the occasional pile of crap that no one wanted to buy. It’s depressing.
So this year, buy online, and save yourself the horror or participating/witnessing the annual apocalypse that we call Black Friday.
