As college students, we’re not so preoccupied with making sure our planet is clean and green for generations to come. Let’s face it – the usual hippie Earth Day shenanigans just don’t draw in the more selfish, careless, and reckless of students. You have to give them something they can relate to. And it is with that in mind that I have thought up 5 ways that the everyday apathetic collegian can save the Earth without having to deviate from their normal shtick.
Get a Keg
Duh. So easy – and the best part is that you probably already do it. One of the main tenets of Earth Day is to “Recycle.” Well you can do a step better: Make sure that you don’t even have to recycle by going out and getting a keg instead of 200 beers in bottles and cans. Avoiding having to toss solo cups by using whatever the fudge you can find around the house to drink out of: pots, vases, or even just do endless keg stands. Nothing is off limits. Hell, some of my best college experiences consist of me drinking piss warm keystone light out of a measuring cup.
Free Mahi Mahi!
Okay, so you can’t really do this unless you happen to go to college in Hawaii, but I thought a Bio-Dome reference was super necessary. It’s one of my favorite movies ever, and it’s even got a great moral: Out of chaos comes order, or you can’t control nature…or something like that – that flick has mad underlying themes. Who would have thought that a movie starring Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin could have such depth? If all else fails, then the least you can do is watch this fine piece of American cinema and reflect on how important Mother Nature is.
Reuse Bong Water
This one is a little gross for my personal taste. Of course, being a lazy stoner myself, I am prone to accidentally leaving the same water in the bong for days, but it’s definitely not preferable to fresh aqua. Whenever I can, I change up the water, just to avoid the nasty taste of stale sewage and weed smoke. But for the sake of preserving the Earth, I suppose I could “forget” to change the water a little more often, and just deal with the taste and mildewy mess that remains after the water is gone.
Do it Raw
Now you have a great excuse to ask your casual hookup to let you raw dog it! “It’s going to help save the world, baby! Think of all those pieces of latex that are floating around in the Atlantic Ocean killing all the fish that innocently stumble upon them and get stuck!” Then again, you should probably make sure that she’s on the pill (or at least that you pull out), because having a child is potentially harming the Earth more than helping it. Especially if you’re a college student with no idea how to care for a baby. Wow, that got kinda serious for a second there. Sorry dudes, my bad.
Grow a Marijuana Plant for Every One You Smoke
Ahh breathe all that fresh oxygen! If you spent all of 9th grade cutting science class, I’ve got a little secret to let you in on: Plants take in the carbon dioxide that our bodies produce and use it in combination with several other chemicals to grow and function. As a byproduct of all those chemical reactions, they create waste in the form of oxygen gas, which we then breathe in. So counteract all that puffing you do by planting your very own purple sticky punch! And when it’s about to flower, hack it down, smoke it, then plant two more in its place. It’s another tenet of Earth Day: “Replenish.” Somewhere out there a braindead logger just destroyed 10 square feet of rainforest, so plant some weed to show him who’s boss!
