Spring Break is a time for celebration, travel, relaxation, and most importantly: drinking! So kick off your shoes, grab a beer and listen up how to do this stuff correctly.
I traveled down to Orlando for my brother’s 21st birthday with some friends, cousins, and the intention on getting incredibly fudgeed up. We all surprised him at his apartment and commenced the shots/chugging/flipping. The first night was the pre-game for what was about to happen on the eve of commemorating his 21st birthday.
We grabbed three bottles of Svetka, a handle of Captain and the ingredients necessary to make liquid cocaine: 1 part Rumplemints, 1 part Goldschlager, 1 part peach Shnapps. While at Walmart (where we purchased this concoction of perfection) we decided it would be befitting of this brigade of hooligans to purchase some “dress-up” equipment. This included, but was not limited to, feathers, glitter, tube socks, pipe cleaners, and magic markers. We decided this birthday was going to go down Xanadu style.
We took our goody bags back to the apartment and started raging and dressing up. Anyone who has attempted to do anything creative while drinking should know that this ended up being the messiest, funniest stuff ever. There was glitter everywhere. People started coloring in their faces and their clothes. Liquid cocaine was all over the kitchen counter.
Once all the booze was gone we headed out. Not to a club. Not to a bar. No, no. We headed to a roller rink where I quickly discovered that either I don’t know how to roller skate, or that I had not perfected the ability to engage in physical activity whilst intoxicated. Basically, I busted my ass immediately and then had to be pulled around the rink by my friend because I lacked the ability to move my legs. There is no way they should have even let us inside of this place considering the fact that we were all dressed like Xanadu style skaters. One member of our crew was wearing a beret, fake mustache and a cut-off t-shirt. Another was sporting a drawn on tear drop tattoo and another still was sporting a pink glittery rendition of KISS guitarist Paul Stanley’s infamous star styled eye makeup.
We finally decided it was time to relocate after pissing off the “referee,” falling about twenty times, and “accidentally” going outside with our skates on. We headed to a nearby bar where we were, at first, denied entrance. You would think it’d because we were too drunk or because we all looked like complete butts. But nope, we were denied because one of the guys was wearing a cut-off t-shirt. That’s the best excuse they could come up with. So one of the girls gave him her shirt and he sported a tiny white tee over his arms and in we went!
The rest of the night was pretty typical. Drink here and drink there. Black out here and lose one there. What you would expect. That is until we went back to my brother’s apartment later that night. His neighbor, a gangster with dreads from Memphis came on down. His comments were of epic proportions. He looked at my brother and his best friend and instead of saying “you guys look alike,” he said “Yo meng, y’all got the same shape skull and stuff.” Instead of asking me how I was, he asked “Who yo meng? Who yo meng?” Which was immediately followed by sexual gesturing in my general direction.
All in all, the night ended with my brother passed out on the hardwood floor, covered in various drawings and random items taped to him. The way a 21st birthday should end. I can’t wait to tell you all about mine. Stay tuned and keep on skatin’.
