By now, we have all been in our fair share of relationships and seen the slew of dates coming in and out of our friends’ lives, some good and some bad. There are certain types of couples with thee most annoying tendencies. Here’s my guide to spotting (and hopefully avoiding) these obnoxious couples that plague campuses everywhere.
The Obsessives
Everyone has witnessed the couple so obsessed with each other you begin to wonder if they have actually been surgically attached. Although they are a little challenging to spot in passing, there are definitely some dead giveaways. If there’s a 90% chance you’ll find one within 5 feet of the other, you’re probably dealing with obsessives. When you finally get one of them alone, they’ll be texting and checking their phone roughly every 2.5 minutes. In short, the best way to find these couples is simply by how often they talk about each other; if they feel the need to reference their gf/bf every 30 seconds in conversation they probably fall into this category.
The PDA Overloaders
PDA is possibly the most obnoxious thing a couple can do. These couples are blatantly obvious about their affection. They will be the ones affectionately stroking each others’ faces in the dining hall, or tickling each other and giggling in the corner of the library, or even publicly groping each other on a park bench. No matter the location or crowd, they are always comfortable sharing it all.
The Long Termers
Here you have your couple that has been dating since high school, or God forbid, even earlier than that. They are so used to being together, they can’t even acknowledge the fact that they most-likely hate each other. Some telltale signs are the fact that they have absolutely no common interests, they complain about each other any time you get them alone, or they talk about how they won’t break up because they might not find anybody else. Check for matching tattoos.
The Throw Downers
This couple excels at both wasting everyone’s time and ruining a perfectly fun night out. Constant arguing about absolutely nothing is the biggest indicator, and very easy to spot. Alcohol is often the main motivator for their fighting so the bar is where you’ll see this couple shine. They will be the couple arguing in the corner because she “flirted” with the guy sitting next to her at the bar, or vice versa. If you find yourself in a situation with this couple, keep them sober, and never say more than 5 words to the one who’s your gender opposite. Never look them in the eye either.
The Baby Talkers
I think we’ve all experienced this one. This is the couple that constantly speaks to each other as if they’re each other’s Grandmothers. They have pet names for each other like “Pumpkin” and “Sugarplum,” and refer to each other as “babe” or “baby” so frequently, you’d have to wonder if they forgot each other’s names. You’ll be able to spot this couple after 5 minutes of direct interaction. Bring along your vomit bag.
