The semester is officially underway and your resident party guru is back in action covering the best stuffshows around the country. I took some time off last semester to kick it at my new spot in New York and cure all those “party gifts” the girls from the Blitz and Beatz Tour generously shared with me. My Campus Of The Week column is back with a vengeance: If you thought last Spring’s party tour was crazy just wait till you see the events I will be taking over all semester long. This week I’m heading south, to where, for one weekend a year, you can find two of my favorite things combined into one city….An abundance of alcohol, and girls making their parents proud for plastic beads, or as I like to call them, pirate hookers. I’m not talking about Mardi Gras…Catch me in Tampa, FL for one of the best weekends of the year: Gasparilla.
My number one suggestion for this weekend is go to a stuffty party store and buy beads…mass amounts of beads! You honestly should have enough beads that security at the airport stops you because they think you are running a bead smuggling ring. Once you land in Tampa it’s time to get crazy: Anyone who has been to Gasparilla will tell you this is right up there with the biggest and best parties in South Florida. There are going to be people visiting Tampa and USF all weekend, so hotels and frat house couches might be booked. I highly suggest staying at the Embassy Suites (513 S Florida Ave), solid hotel, free breakfast and you’ll definitely thank me once the weekend starts, trust me. Now that your hotel is worked out it’s time to hit the town, this is a big one so enjoy it and make bad decisions….Gasparilla 2011 let’s go!
Welcome to Florida, the weather is nice and the theme of the weekend is pirate beads (which basically equal tits and alcohol). Whenever I am in Tampa I have to hit a spot that I personally think is better than Hooters for getting some solid grub and being surrounded by T & A. Head to Brickhouse (1102 North Dale Mabry Highway, Tampa) and ask for Krystal or Tai, burgers and wings are the go-to here. Being a connoisseur in the art of getting laid, Tampa offers a very diverse nightlife scene.
The so called “Cougar Capital” allows me to go home with a seasoned pro in the art of nob gobbling or I can go the opposite side of the spectrum and take my talents to the bar filled with hot twenty-year-olds drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade. For cougars head to Jackson’s (601 South Harbour Island Boulevard), last time I was there I went home with a mother who picked me up by telling me I reminded her of her son, how can you possibly say no to that one? For more of the college scene hit South Howard or “Soho”, and take your pick of bars along the strip, my favorite is McDitons which has a sweet outdoor patio to chill on. If your looking for drink specials check out The Rack (also located in Soho) which runs a special that your fourth shot is free so take advantage of this…you got to love a place that promotes you getting blacked out. By this point you’ll be so stufffaced your new found Floridian friend will be super impressed at how well you hold your liquor – She will be begging you to take her home, don’t be hesitant – Just let it happen.
Roll out of bed, pound that orange Gatorade, get your drinking boots on and throw on those beads you bought before coming down…Today is going to be epic. It’s like Christmas morning all over again, but instead of running to the tree and unwrapping a new action figure or truck you’re grabbing a funnel filled with stuffty beer and those extra large beads (for sure to get you some girl-on-girl action). The entire town of Tampa shuts down today and transforms into a complete stuff show so plan out your day to make sure you hit all the good spots.
The reason I am a first ballot Hall of Famer in the world of partying is because I make big time decisions and always make the right move. Clearly, we are staying at the Embassy Suites for a reason and it’s not because they have an omelette station in the morning. Today the Embassy Suites hosts a huge pool party with a house DJ spinning until the mid-afternoon. This is the ideal spot to start the day off: Get dressed, bang out that quick set of pushups to make you look like you have been training with Rocky and get to the pool for some pre-game madness. Once liquored up and having seen more cougars than an African safari, it’s time to get into the madness of Gasparilla – Head down to the parade around 12:30 to get the full effect of the festival.
The basic story behind Gasparilla and the “Invasion” is that a giant pirate ship will magically show up in the bay, floats will head down the parade route and the mayor will give the key to the city to pirates. The handing over of the key officially starts the madness, but let’s face it: You have been funneling for three hours and that weird punch concoction is starting to do work. At this point you can confidently walk around hitting on any girls you want just because you have beads around your neck, but the best destination to head to is the Gasparilla Block Party (located behind Wings Gone Wild Bar & Grill 3114 Bay to Bay Blvd). The 13th annual block party will have DJ’s spinning throughout the day, free beer, beads, wings and fries throughout the day, and sick specials on well drinks. Take advantage of those free wings and fries because this will probably be the only food you will be consuming all day, this weekend is for partying and partying only. The rest of the night is basically a free-for-all and who can last the longest – Try and hook up with a few girls and continue the festivities throughout the night by roaming around the Tampa area or head back to the USF campus.
Enjoy the weekend Campus Socialites, catch me next week as I invade another campus and stir up a stuff storm of debauchery and bad decisions. Keep living the dream….
