Conan O’Brien’s new late night talk show ‘Conan’ premieres tonight at 11 PM on TBS. Woohoo! It’s been 9 months since the lanky Irish comedian left NBC and The Tonight Show, and it’s about time that he came back. The world of television just hasn’t been the same. As I’ve mentioned before, his new cable home will allow him to get away with more raunchy, risque humor. This week, the show will feature Tom Hanks, Seth Rogen, Michael Cera, Jon Hamm, ‘Modern Family’ star Julie Bowen and ’30 Rock’ comedian Jack McBrayer. Jack White of The White Stripes will hit the stage as his first musical guest. It’s still to be determined whether any of his famous characters or sketches will come with him to the new channel.
So, in homage to CoCo, and in celebration of the show’s premiere, The Campus Socialite presents ‘Conan O’Brien Celebrity Secrets.’
1. In college, Conan ran an underground prostitution ring. His pimpin’ name was Big Red and he was known for hitting first and asking questions later.
2. Conan has a world-famous tooth collection. Among his most prized possessions are George Washington’s wooden teeth, a set of Austin Powers’ dentures, and the gold filling that Macaulay Culkin knocked out of Joe Pesci’s mouth in Home Alone. He sleeps with them under his pillow.
3. Conan once ate 3 whole wedding cakes in one day. He wasn’t even at any weddings that day.
4. Conan is actually of average male height, but wears platform shoes at all times because he doesn’t like when mere mortals look him in the eye. He also likes the way they make his calves look.
5. Conan’s father is actually Max Weinberg’s decendant, who came back from the future to save Conan’s mother from evil robots, and then impregnated her. That makes Weinberg Conan’s great great grandfather. When James Cameron heard about this, he wrote The Terminator: a movie loosely based on O’Brien’s life.
6. Conan went to an all-boy’s high school. His theater teacher claims he was one of the best actors to ever grace the stage. His performance in Romeo and Juliet was especially riveting…he shined as Juliet.
7. Conan adopted 8 Inuit children. He keeps them in his basement, where they are forced to make the gel that keeps his hair so firm and shiny.
8. Conan has a very unique superpower: He can get fat women pregnant just by doing the string dance in their presence.
9. The hair on Conan’s head is red. That much is obvious. What most people don’t know is that his chest hair is orange, his happy trail is blonde, his pubes are green, his thighs are covered in blue fur, and his calves are draped in violet frizzies. He’s a rainbow of manliness.
10. When he was the head writer of SNL, he would sacrifice a goat weekly. The cast thought it was an Irish tradition to bring good luck to the show. Conan actually did it because he likes the sound goats make when they die.
Disclaimer: These facts may or may not be true.
