They happen all the time. You’re minding your own business when, all of a sudden, for no particular reason at all, you get a hard-on. It’s called a “No Reason Boner,” or NRB for short. In the medical field it is referred to as a spontaneous erection. Both terms are correct…and hilarious. But why do they happen? What causes this flash mob in your pants? We have probed the depths of the human psyche and investigated our own desires in order to discover the causes of the No Reason Boner.
Nostalgic Smells
Here’s some interesting information you might not know: Smell is the sense most connected to memory. The slightest smell can remind you of your Grandma’s cooking, or your uncle’s weird, stale breath, or even your ex-girlfriend. So if you happen to be sitting in class and the air direction changes, you could catch a whiff of the bitch that broke up with you so she could “explore her curiosities.” Even if you hate her from the very core of your soul, it doesn’t change the fact that her smell still gets you going. Luckily, you’re sitting behind a desk.
Sexual Wind
If you’ve ever had a woman breathe into your ear, or near your neck, then you know that it sends shivers down your spine. A few seconds later, your minuteman is at full attention. Well, you don’t need a woman in order for that to happen. You’re standing on a street corner in the city, waiting for the go-ahead to cross the street. A gentle breeze hits your arm and flows up through your shirt to your neck and ear. A few seconds later, your third leg is ready for action. You were just trying to get across the street.
Fabric Rubbing
This is probably the most standard and frequent cause of the dreaded NRB. Whether you’re playing sports, taking a pleasurable hike, or just moving from point A to point B, any contact your member makes with your pants, shorts, boxers, whatever, could cause a random bonerific occurrence. Just make sure you have the situation under control, because if you’re wearing sweatpants or gym shorts, you could be in for a very embarrassing moment.
Vehicular Vibration
Vibration doesn’t just get women off. It can affect men as well. Specifically, you could be on a bus, or in your family’s car on the way to a holiday dinner, when the road gets a little bumpy. Not super rough, but just enough to get a nice little vibrato effect going. Out of nowhere, your main man pops up to say hello. Don’t freak out, it’s perfectly normal.
You Have to Take a Leak Real Bad
Intense bladder pressure can also cause a spontaneous erection. The more you drink, the more you’re going to have to piss. If you aren’t near a bathroom (or tree, or bush, or shady building, or alleyway…or basically any kind of free-standing structure) and need to hold it, then you might be in for a big (or small, depending on who you are) surprise, because the fullness of your bladder has a direct effect on your dick. So if you’re bursting at the seams, get to the nearest available pee station and drain your lizard before you become a victim of the No Reason Boner.
