Fist pumping: An action popularized by MTV’s The Jersey Shore that consists of moving your fist back and forth in the air. It’s not only fun to do, but also works out the arm muscles, and improves coordination and motor skills. But it’s not limited to just dancing or a simple celebration What follows are some lesser known uses for fist pumping. See if you can incorporate them into your everyday life!
#5 Fist Pumping Use – Rowing
Yes, all you fist pumpers out there could be potential Olympic Rowers. It is basically the same motion, at a similar speed. You just move your arms back and forth in rhythm, except with long pieces of wood clenched in your pulsating fists. If you think you’re a professional fist pumper, then maybe it’s about time you looked into signing up for the Crew team.
#4 Fist Pumping Use – Tenderizing Meat
Yes, they do make hammers for beating meat into a bloody pulp, but why pay money for something that you can do with your very own hands? Become a butcher! When someone comes in asking for some tenderized chicken cutlets, you can toss them into the air and pump like your life depends on it. It’s like merging Kung Fu with meat: Sounds heavenly to me. And I’m sure it’d be quite the show to see.
#3 Fist Pumping Use – Demolishing Houses
Do you think you are an expert fist pumper? Do you also think you’re strong, as well as tough? Well, then this may be the career path for you! Get a bunch of your Guido friends together and put on some house music. Then go crazy inside a condemned building. Beat the walls and structural supports until the place crumbles. If you survive, you even get paid. Wait…paid to fist pump AND destroy stuff? That’s just crazy talk.
#2 Fist Pumping Use – Creating Wind Energy
What if you went green with your fist pumping? There’s so many windmills out there creating energy, but look how much wind energy is going to waste when people fist pump in large groups. If we recruit 5000 Guidos and put them in a field next to some windmills, they’re bound to create some wind power.
#1 Fist Pumping Use – Giving A Giant A Hand Job
Yes, you read correctly. This is the most important practical application of fist pumping that there is. Giants need love too, you know. And although you probably won’t get paid for doing it (that’s prostitution), you’ll come out feeling like a better person because you helped a fellow human being in need. If you can do this, then you truly are a master of the fist pumping profession. I salute your dedication!
