By: Julian Patterson
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Relationships are tough. Break ups happen all the time, especially during when you’re in college. Post separation, you can find yourself in some pretty dicey situations with ex-girlfriends. Whether things ended respectfully and mutually or everything crashed and burned abruptly, ex-girlfriends are ex girlfriends. Here are a few ex-girlfriends you might encounter in your quest to finding the right girl.
THE PSYCHO EX
You probably dated this girl for an extended period of time, which is why she still has a weird obsession with you even after things ended. From showing up at your apartment, to attending the same parties, to eating in the same dining halls, she always seems to be in your business. She stalks your every move on Facebook, and to her delight, the “See Friendship” feature has just recently been added to the Facebook creeping repertoire. She has a strange knack for being at the wrong place at the wrong time, and always seems to stir up trouble. She clearly hasn’t moved on, and will do anything to keep you from jumping back into the single life.
THE COOL EX
You probably dated for a few months, a year max. She was always a nice girl. That’s why you got with her in the first place. Although you are broken up, you still remain friends. She is a rare breed of ex-girlfriend that can hang around you and hear about other girls and not get upset, or at least not show that she might be upset. Hell, she might even give you advice. Perhaps that’s the reason why you broke up in the first place—she’s more a friend than girlfriend. Nevertheless, you are grateful that she is still around because there’s always the possibility of a no-strings-attached hook up in the future.
THE EX YOU WILL PROBABLY DATE AGAIN
After three years, you guys decided to call it quits. College isn’t always the best environment to maintain a healthy relationship. You care very much about her, but the allure of late night ragers, drunk freshmen girls, and brotastic adventures proved too much. You guys more than likely ended on a bad note, but you both know that sometime in the future you will pick up where you left off. You probably will hook up occasionally until graduation. But, as long as you are still in college, the possibility of getting back together 100% is slim to none. Until you graduate the best you can do is tread softly and stay out of campus gossip.
THE JEALOUS EX
You dated for a while, but not long enough to develop any worthwhile connection. At least that’s what you think. She clearly is having difficulty giving you up. You get text messages, voicemails, Facebook messages, iChat messages, and Twitter mentions calling you out on tagging innocent freshmen girls or busting down desperate senior sluts. She has moles everywhere that report to her every detail of your life: new friends, what you had for lunch, how many beers you shotgunned last night, etc. There are few ex girlfriends that are worse than her. All you can do is hope for some meathead to swoop in and take her off your hands.
THE SPITEFUL EX
There are few ex-girlfriends worse than the jealous ex. However, there is nothing worse than a spiteful ex. The wrath of a scorned woman is overwhelming. You dated for a long time before things ended abruptly—infidelity is always the root all evil. You broke her heart and now she is on a solo mission to ruin your life. Spreading rumors, willyblocking, attempting to hook up with your friends, etc. She will do anything to make your life a living hell. She’s a monstrous combination of the psycho ex and jealous ex to the umpth degree. No amount of damage control can stop a spiteful ex girlfriend. She’ll quit once she thinks she’s gotten her point across…
