When everyone was in high school, all the girls wanted to get with the older college guys who showed up and the guys wanted to be the older college guys. Well, my boys and I were those lucky college guys about a year ago today. About a year ago, I got a call from a friend back home that there was a crazy party coming up and that I needed to go. I said only if I can bring my boys with me and they told me fudge it, it’s not their house…great! My boys and I go to my house and start pre-gaming with some shots of Strawberry Vodka and shotgunning some ice cold Bud Lights. When we’re all set and done, we depart to what will eventually be one of the greatest nights of my life.
We arrive at the party about 9:30 or so, there’s only about seven or eight people there and a game of pong being played… some frickin party, douche. We crack open a few beers and settle in. This girl comes up to me and asks me to play beer pong with her. She’s pretty attractive, so I’m obviously going to say yes. However, being attractive does not technically make you a good pong player. We lost miserably. Just like that, I thought the night was going to go downhill. I go back to my boys where we start weighing more options, because the party was lame. There’s a tap on my shoulder and it’s the same girl I just played pong with. She asks me to go outside with her while she smokes. Oh, a smoker…awesome (sarcasm in case you couldn’t pick it up). I agree and follow her outside (just because she was adorable). We’re talking for a little bit and apparently, she’s a senior at my high school and I never knew who she was. She lived about fifteen minutes away from my house and yet, I have no clue who the fudge she is.
After talking for a little while, we decide to head inside. We walk into a complete fiesta. I look at almost every person from my high school I graduated with and all of the underclassmen (now seniors). Every clique was at this party and enjoying themselves. The crackheads were hanging out with the football team, the drama club was hanging out with the cheerleaders, and even the nerds were somewhat hitting it off with some females. My boys are talking to some underclassmen (legally) and start up a giant game of flip cup. The game was about ten versus ten and it was one of the craziest alcoholic games I’ve ever been a part of. After about nine games of flip cup, saying some hellos, and mingling with everybody, my girl and I found ourselves making out in the bathroom (which had a clogged toilet, by the way). I couldn’t believe we were doing this, especially because people are drinking and eventually would have to use the — oh, fudge.
A knock on the door and it’s a girl I had graduated with asking to use the bathroom. I respond saying, “Yeah no problem, I’ll step out for a sec.” Nope. She literally pulls her pants down and starts peeing in the clogged toilet. Can you say “What the fudge?” My jaw is literally dropped as I’m staring at her urinate (twat fully out) and the girl I was with is kissing my neck. Oh, what a night. After the urination process, the twat girl gets up and leaves. Shortly after, my boys start frickin around with me. They start to repeatedly knock on the door, being pains in the asses and messing with us. After a few moments of silence, the knocking continued. “Shut the fudge up,” I yell. “This is the Suffolk County Police Department, please come out of the bathroom.”
Yeah, bullstuff. My girl answers the door and sure enough, the cops are there. Shit. They stare at us, then at the clogged toilet sprinkled with piss. “Uhh, what’s going on?” the cops asked. “The toilet was broken,” my girl said. Really? That’s what you come up with? The cops asked, “Are any of you kids driving home?” Of course my drunken ass had to say something, “Hell no!” It was as if the cop just gave up on me like an over-expecting parent, “Just get outta here.” Phew.
As I exit the room, I see a few officers speaking with the kid who threw the party. He stares at me as I come out of the bathroom, awkward much? All in all, I got this girl’s number and if you really think the story gets crazy, about a month later, the girl asks me to go to prom with her. Believe what you want, it happened. I met this girl at this American Pie type extravaganza and a month later, end up going to prom with her. My boys gave me stuff for getting willy blocked by the cops, but in the end it was worth it.
