By: Ann Redus (UTSA)
Follow Ann on Twitter
“It’s the first impression and will either open the door or close it…” – Nicholas Sparks
First dates are particularly important in the world of dating. A first date sets the tone for the rest of the relationship – given if there is one after the first date. A first impression could be a last impression. If you find yourself going on a lot of first dates and not so many second dates – you’ve got a problem. I’ve assembled a list of various reasons why your first date never leads to a second and how to a create a lasting impression.
Using your phone
Obviously, you’re single. You need to think of a first date like a job interview. You’re unemployed (single) so you go out to interviews (dates) to impress the potential employer (partner) with the experience and skills (personal attributes) they’re interested in. So if you were at a job interview, would you pick up the phone if it rang? Absolutely not. Don’t do it at the dinner table because it’s rude. If you’re worried about an emergency, let your date know that may be expecting an important phone call regarding whatever it is. I’m sure they’ll understand.
Getting wasted
First dates can be awkward and generally people are more relaxed after when drinking. Having a drink or two on a first date is fine. Sometimes, it’s better if you have a drink because it will help you loosen up. Getting hammered, on the other hand, is completely inappropriate. If you find yourself slurring, spilling, or spinning; put the drink down, order a glass of water, and call a taxi. It is so unattractive when a person, A) can’t handle their alcohol, and B) needs a babysitter.
Trying too hard
More often than not, first dates occur from casual conversations in line at the coffee shop, random outing with friends, or simply because you’ve been set up by a mutual friend. If you have a mutual friend, chances are your date knows more about you than you realize. Your date probably knows what you do for a living so if you’re not a CEO for a company, don’t tell them you are. They probably also know where you live and what you drive so don’t lie about that either. You’ll only make yourself look really stupid.
Poor hygiene
I cannot stress enough how important this is to a woman. Men: shower, shave, deodorant, and cologne – ALL THE TIME. If you met this person at the gym, they’ve seen you at, or close to, your worst. Impress them by cleaning up nicely! As a woman, I cannot stand body odor, out of control chest hair, too much cologne, fuzzy teeth, or bad breath, wrinkled clothes, or nasty shoes. I can’t even Google those words without wanting to throw up. You are grown! Take care of yourself! The same goes for women. I kid you not… I was in a movie last night and the woman I was sitting next to had the WORST breath. I was practically on top of my boyfriend trying to avoid her dragon breath. DISGUSTING. Ladies, don’t over do it with perfume or makeup. You don’t want your face to smear on a man’s shirt when you go to hug him or anything.
Too aggressive
When I talk about being too aggressive, I mean in every sense of the word. This exmaple mainly applies to men. From saying things that are too forward to physically pushing your limit, being aggressive on the first date is grounds for termination. It is extremely uncomfortable for a woman to be in a situation where a man is being too forward. For instance, I feel violated when a man who isn’t my boyfriend compliments me in a vulgar way or touches my ass. When a woman is too aggressive a man can feel uncomfortable also. Don’t put your hands in areas which are not appropriate in public and keep your sexual comments to yourself. You NEVER want to push your boundaries on the first date.
The first date is for testing the waters. You want to get a feel for the person. Obviously you don’t want to be too reserved because that’s mind-numbing, but you don’t want to go balls to the wall. Don’t over it do. Like I mentioned, who ever you’re with probably knows a little bit about you already so try to be anyone but yourself. Be polite and chivalrous. If you notice your date didn’t order a drink, ask him or her if they mind if you have a glass of wine. Remember, a person can tell a lot about you by the way you dress and how you carry yourself. Don’t show up with glittery jeans, a wrinkled shirt, and flip flops on. Ladies, don’t expose too much skin. You’ll look desperate. Dress to impress and guys, be a gentleman because your ultimate goal on a first date is to land a second date.
