Having a beach body in time for Spring Break seems impossible to most students. The past few months have been packed with “stuff your face” holidays: Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day – wait, scratch that last one…so many opportunities to eat our weight in chocolate and cookies and wash it all down with gallons of wine and beer. Plus there’s the fact that working out would require you to brave the snow (depending on where you live) and actually walk all the way to the gym. Luckily, there are a few ways to shed some pounds and look good for your rapidly approaching spring vacation, without actually displaying your winter flab to the gym-dwelling populous.
Eat Healthy
Yes, this may seem obvious, but students often forget one of the best things about springtime – fruits are in season. You can start replacing chips with grapes, and pizza with slices of watermelon. Smoothies may not get you wasted, but they taste a hell of a lot better than beer. If you need to ease into the change, try out some chocolate-covered strawberries first.
Run Around Campus
Assuming you aren’t a complete mountain troll, you probably look a lot hotter running around in your sweats than you realize. There is just something wildly attractive about seeing a girl run (I don’t know if girls feel the same about guys – we don’t have breasts that bounce up and down when we run… or at least…we shouldn’t). Plug in your iPod, listen to some relaxing music, and just run off all of your stress. You’ll get back to your dorm at peace, and you’ll get a good workout out of it too.
Fuck
You knew this was coming, but it’s true. Sex burns over 150 calories an hour. And for us humans who can’t actually last an hour…get this: Steamy make-out sessions? Over 200 calories per half hour! That’s the same as jogging three miles! So drop your pants and drop those pounds.
Unconventional Exercise
You want to have sex in an attempt to lose weight, but guys seem to be too put off by those extra pounds. That is why the “Shake Weight” was created. That flab you’ve acquired this winter isn’t going to keep guys from getting ridiculously turned on while they watch you take that dumbbell and jerk it off. And don’t even get me started on “Flirty Girl Fitness.” Goddamn. Even the most buttery of butterfaces can look bangable when doing the exercises in those videos.
NOTE: Guys, while there is a “Shake Weight” for dudes, the same rules don’t apply to you. Just do some push-ups in front of a girl. Works every time.
FACEinHOLE
This one may seem ridiculous, but I assure you it’s effective. Go on the website faceinhole.com, and put your head on top of the whatever body you wish you had (in this case, Kung Fu master Bruce Lee). Then put that picture as the background of your computer. After seeing it every day, you’ll gain the motivation you need to exercise. Or you’ll get self-esteem issues and will stop eating altogether. Either way, you’ll lose weight. Let’s just hope you take route numero uno.
