By Matt Schoenman
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So as you may or may not have heard already, George Lucas has begun the conversion of both Star Wars trilogies to 3D. And if you didn’t think Star Wars had already hit a new low, then you’re bound to change your mind now.
First I must declare that George Lucas is the farthest thing from an artist. Maybe back in 1977 he had some artistic tendencies, but that was before his “vision” went to his head. Now he is just another money-grubbing Hollywood madman. He just exploits the popularity of his inventions in order to add on to his wealth. Watch a few movies. Keep watching through the closing credits. Guaranteed that at least one third of those movies bear the stamp of Industrial Light & Magic: Lucas’ special effects division. Then put on your television. If a commerical for a Droid cell phone comes on, I dare you to read the fine print on the bottom of the screen: “DROID is a registered trademark of LucasArts.” Yep, every time someone uses the word droid, George makes a few bucks. On top of all of that, endless lines of Star Wars toys and products, constantly being re-marketed throughout the past 30 years. And this is the cherry on top: all of the re-releases and “improved” versions of the original trilogy. Do you think he actually remade them just because he wanted them to look cooler? No. He wanted to exploit them in order to make a lot more money by putting them back into theaters, over and over and over again. But I can’t blame good ‘ol George for being a Capitalist in America.
What I can blame him for is ruining the integrity of a perfectly good series of films. He did this in a number of ways:
1. Re-releasing the original trilogy. By changing small details in Episodes IV, V, and VI (like the Han Shooting First incident), he effectively helped to lessen the power of the narrative story. He also put weird creatures all across the screen…I have no idea why these animals are in there. The only thing they do is distract us from the story that we would otherwise be concentrating on. I studied film in college, so trust me when I say that a huge FREAKING lizard blocking the whole screen takes away from the depth of the setting, as well as the story and characters.
2. Making Episodes I, II, and III. Not a single one of these movies makes any sense. If you don’t believe me, then feel free to watch RedLetterMedia’s youtube reviews of the first two episodes. Apparently, Lucas was attempting to mirror the original trilogy, but did a terrible job. The characters don’t make logical or realistic decisions, creating a plot that revolves around irrational action and consequentially accomplishes absolutely nothing. Basically the story that was so, so important to Luke, Leia, and Han Solo took a backseat in order to make room for over-the-top, laser-dependent battle sequences that gave Attention Deficit Disorder to an entire generation of children. Thanks, Georgie Boy.
3. And that brings me to the third way Lucas destroyed his own creation: by shifting his aim from one target audience to another. When the original trilogy came out, it was appealing to the young adult demographic (the same fine folks that are looking at this website now). It was a fairly complex story that dealt with intergalactic revolution, love, dysfunctional family relations, and the eternal struggle between good and evil. And I’m willing to bet that teenagers think about those subjects more than any other specific age group. But even by the time Return of the Jedi was released, you could begin to see the focus change. Ewoks? Those things are like cuddly, little stuffed animals. Nowadays, everything Star Wars is branded towards children. Legos, action figures, and a even a cartoon called The Clone Wars prove that. If Lucas had not rebranded the series, then maybe we would have seen a primetime TV show about young Han Solo getting into all sorts of trouble. That would have been amazing. Instead we get the adventures of a computer-generated Anakin Skywalker before he even turns to Darth Vader. That’s not entertaining.
Okay, so enough of my rant. At this point you know, and hopefully understand, why I disapprove of everything George Lucas does. He’s awfully good at alienating his fans, and so I don’t understand how something like Star Wars can continue to make money with every step it takes in the wrong direction. The only way Star Wars 3D could satisfy me is if it just never happened. Sorry, George. No matter how hard they work on retrofitting these movies to look good in 3D, it won’t fix how retarded they’ve become by Lucas’ hand.
But, if you’re still interested, and I don’t see how you could be, the movies are being released in chronological order (starting with Episode I, ending at VI), once a year, starting in 2012.
