By Claire Makley
Ah, ‘tis the season of Christmas cookies, warm fireplaces, and Mariah Carey’s Christmas album (yes, we have all caught ourselves singing that awfully catchy chorus). But ‘tis also the season of getting it on. Home for the holidays and exhausted from finals, students’ social schedules get busier and friends get friendlier. Your calendar is filled with old acquaintances and familiar faces, and as you have your third mug of Eggnog (this ain’t the kiddie kind anymore), you realize just how good college was to that girl from your high school history class…
Now is the time! May it be the girl from American History or that crush in Calculus that you never had to nerve to ask out, this winter break provides the perfect opportunity to fix all of that. How? The answer is simple: Mistletoe.
Gentlemen, this is a no-brainer. As effective as you may think guzzling wine with Calculus crush would be, this easy trick is much more efficient. It has been perfected by centuries of folklore and magical tales that have evolved Mistletoe into the nostalgic tradition we have today. Leave it to the English to turn this “magical” plant (side note – it is actually a parasitic plant; lovely, right?) into a “kissing ball”. If a girl was not kissed under it at least once during the winter season, she cannot expect to ever marry (so technically you’re doing her a favor). Pagans believed it to bestow fertility. The Celtics thought it to be a natural aphrodisiac. And to this day, Scandinavians use it to symbolize peace. Disclaimer: In Canada, kissing under the mistletoe is interpreted as the exchange of marital promise vows. So before you get to lip locking, make sure you have a mutual understanding of the tradition.
Now after positively identifying that she is not Canadian, just lead the little lady under the Mistletoe (Dean Martin’s “Baby it’s Cold Outside” always helps the mood), and lay one on her. There you have it, the sentimental value of Christmas lore will have her eating out of the palm of your hand for the rest of break (or at least the party). And you didn’t even have to lace up a pair of ice skates.
Next time your at a loss at what to bring to the Ugly Sweater party, a healthy bunch of mistletoe is the perfect pick. No host can deny the fun it entails- it’s more interactive than Catch Phrase.
