A couple of weeks ago, I wrote you guys an article about Cigarette Bumming Etiquette. Once again, hope you all enjoyed, and that your blackened lungs are hating you for it. Anyway, there’s a lot to talk about when it comes to etiquette in college. Not what to bring to your girlfriend’s Potluck…Socialite Etiquette. Get me? From now on, check back here every week and I’ll give you all the skills and knowledge you need to be the classiest Socialite around. Today’s topic is “Owning The Bar.” No, I’m not gonna teach you how to own and operate a liquor licensed facility. I’m gonna teach you how to own someone else’s bar, for roughly 4 hours on a Friday night…figuratively. Quick drinks, new pals, and maybe even the bartender’s number. Don’t hurt yourself…
Begin at The Center
I see a lot of guys hanging out on the sides of bars, where the hatch opens. Why not? If you’re willing to dodge a bus boy every few minutes, and you have a clear shot at the bartender, why shouldn’t you? Wrong approach. This might work with the 18 yr olds who don’t know what’s in a Martini, but a real bartender is going to get annoyed. Why? One, you’re getting in the way of them working, and two, you’re trying to get an edge on everyone else. We don’t do things cheap Socialites. What you’re gonna do is walk right up to the center of the bar. It’s the best way to get the bartender’s attention, and the best way to stake your claim. You’ll be right in the middle of the action, and strategically placed to make some waves.
Tip Big Upfront
If you’re looking to party, those $1-$2 tips are gonna add up to at least $10 by last call. Accept that right from the get go, and make a big splash early. Pull that $10 or $20 right out of your pocket and tip it on the first drink. A bartender isn’t counting your singles over the course of 4 hours. You could end up tipping her $50 by the end of the night and she wouldn’t even notice. But a big old Jefferson, right after she first sees your face? That she can’t argue with. She’ll be walking straight over to you, every time you make the “I need a drink face,” and she’ll be much more likely to buy you one for every two or three. Star Status, if only for a couple of hours, and all it cost you was a low-risk investment.
Make Friends
Seeing as how you’re in the center of the action, you’ll be surrounded by people on all sides, and in the most strategic position possible for making some friends. By now they’ve taken note of your temporary Baller status, and are gonna wanna get in on the quick drinks anyway. Turn your head towards your good side and start making conversation, preferably a group. Start with the dudes, because if you can impress them, the girls will come easy. Center of the bar, means center of attention. Start a Car Bomb race. Get the people on your left talking to the people on your right. Pawn off the ugly girls and keep the hot ones for yourself. You my friend, have just gone viral.
Get The Bartender Involved
They say hitting a 100 mph Fastball is the hardest thing to do in sports. Well, getting a bartender’s number is of similar difficulty. You see, they’re hot, they’re cool, and they hold the key to the alcohol, and for that reason, they’re better than you. No worries though. Now that you have shown some balls, some cash, and befriended every human in a 10 foot radius, you have some status of your own. Make conversation. Offer to buy her a drink. She might own her side of the bar, but you now own yours, and every girl loves a good challenge. Make her forget she’s at work, and she’s yours. Just remember: with great power comes great responsibility. Wrap it up.
Stay tuned for next week Socialites and check out some more Socialite Etiquette
