alabama

Besides the fact that this video is about Sorority life and features 1.5 attractive girls, there is “rapping,” “dancing,” horribly unflattering clothing and 90’s Sitcom style editing. I hear the girls in the South are banging, but this just video just validated my decision to stay put in the North East. Because if you get through even 1 minute of this video, you deserve a hug.

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To quote myself of 5 minutes ago: “Sometimes life just doesn’t make sense to me.” Not only does this guy jump out of a frickin helicopter (from a considerable distance above the water I might add), he falls right on top of an 800 pound Marlin and manages to hold on to it for like 10 seconds. “The craziest thing you’ve seen all day” gets thrown around a lot. This is the craziest thing i’ve seen all year.

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When you’re close to 60 years old, you imagine yourself as a newly grey-haired old man surrounded by tons of money and skinny blonde bitches. If acting like Hugh Hefner fails, you’d probably move on to bigger and better endeavors like traveling to St. Tropez or some pretentious stuff like that. What you probably won’t do is try to start a rap career. Meet A. Samuels, an executive with too much time and money on his hands.

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Even planking fails, leisure diving and owling can’t compare to the absurdity of coning, the act where you buy ice cream from a fast food restaurant and grab it by the ice cream itself, not the cone. I figured there was no way coning could produce fails, but I’ve been proven wrong. Above is what happens when employees don’t give a stuff about assault laws and decide to fight back against the coning fad.

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