You go to the club with your boys, but you don’t really want to leave with them. You’re there for one reason. Well, maybe two. You had a tough week of classes and you want to get stufffaced, but above all else, you’re looking to get your dick wet. Unfortunately, if you’re a douchebag, you have a bumpy road ahead of you. “How do I know if I’m a douchebag?” you may ask. Well, if you do any of these things, you definitely fall into this most unfortunate category. And If you ever want to get it in, you will stop engaging in the douchey action immediately.
You Wear Rosary Beads as a Necklace
This is the most obvious sign that you are a douche. Rosary beads are a religious symbol – one that doesn’t exactly scream “HEY! I wanna make a mess on your face!” If you want her moaning the Lord’s name, keep the Lord out of your club attire.
EXCEPTION: Guidos can, for whatever reason, pull this look off. Then again, girls who are into guys who take steroids, go tanning, and use hair product more than they do, aren’t worth your time. Let the douchebags have them.
You Air Drum
Unless you are a drummer, this is unacceptable. You may think you are doing a perfect imitation of playing the drums, but take it from me, you aren’t. Infact, you look like you either have some sort of mental handicap or are having a seizure. Stop.
You ‘Dougie’ to Every Song
The ‘dougie’ is an extremely addicting dance move, however, it must be used in moderation. Using it too much will make girls think you are repeatedly fixing your hair, or trying to sniff your armpits. Neither of which are particularly attractive. Worst of all though, they’ll think (know) you’re a douchebag. When “Teach Me How to Dougie” comes on, go crazy, but then give it a rest.
You’re Wearing a Jersey For a Team You Don’t Play On
Jerseys are only acceptable if you yourself are an athlete…or can at least pass as one. Otherwise, you just look like a pathetic sports fanatic who cares more about your team than getting laid. If you’re looking for a girl, keep sports out of the club. If you’re looking for a nice bromance, go ahead and jersey up, douchebag.
You Think Humping is Dancing
Some guys think dancing means going up to a girl and rhythmically humping her leg. Unless that girl has a thing for dogs, you’re just going to scare the hell out of her. If you try getting to second base on the dance floor, she’s going to figure out pretty fast that you’re a douchebag. Dancing is supposed to be fluid and revealing of your sexual demeanor, and if you are going around acting like a Chihuahua in heat, don’t expect any girls to want your bone.
You Wear Sunglasses Inside
Clubs are dark enough already. Lack of proper vision turns 1s into 6s, and 5s into 10s, so there is no good reason to wear sunglasses inside of one. Sure, movie stars wear them. But are you a movie star? No…You aren’t. So unless you are cool with the possibility of accidentally grinding up against a dude ,or a girl with a uni-brow and buckteeth due to your inability to see, take the damn things off…douchebag!!
