When I’m at the club and tired of dancing, I go sit by the bar. It’s not only an easy way to get a free drink or two if you’re hot. One thing I’ve noticed is that certain types of men offer to buy me drinks with certain types of alcohol. I’m not talking about the bum bitches who say I look exhausted as an excuse to buy me water. I mean the guys who actually spend $8 to $15 on a drink. I can tell what type of guy they are just by the drink they offer me. Below, I take a look at what the types of drinks offered say about each man.
Amaretto Sour
The guy who buys me an Amaretto Sour is just as weak as the drink he offers to buy me. This drink, if made with Di Saronno, only has 28 percent alcohol mixed with a bit of sour mix. It’s usually the last drink of the night because it has no impact on you whatsoever. It’s basically juice! A guy who offers to buy me this is probably the type who wants to lay beside me all weekend while the rain taps at the windowpane. These guys won’t ask for your number. They’ll tap dance around the subject of who calls whom just like that amaretto sour will tap dance around giving you a buzz. Ladies, take the drink and excuse yourself to the bathroom.
Long Island Iced Tea
A serious side eye to the mofo who offers to buy me a Long Island. Mixed with vodka, tequila, rum, gin, triple sec, sweet and sour mix, and a splash of coke, there’s no way you’re not feeling a buzz after one glass of this. Long Islands are the least appetizing way to get the party started. I assume a guy who buys me a Long Island isn’t really into me, but hopes that he can get me buzzed enough to give him consent to take me home. In other words, he’s sneaky as fudge, and I wouldn’t bump private parts with him even months after getting to know him. Politely refuse this drink and offer one of your own.
Rocket Fuel
Forget the pansy martini glass this is served in. This drink kicks harder than a Long Island Iced Tea. I thought I was roofied the first time I had this. Don’t ask me why I still took this drink from a stranger … and accepted it another time from a different guy. Rocket Fuels contain Barcardi 151, vodka, tequila and coconut-flavored rum. Notice the lack of a non-alcoholic mixer. Guys who offer this drink are hardcore just like the Rocket Fuel. They’re definitely into you, and are aggressive about it. Sips into the drink you might wonder how someone apparently fearless could approach you with that corny ass line. Accept the drink, if you choose.
Coco Loso
The guy who offers you this is out to impress you. He knows you already know about the usual vodka & cranberry, and couldn’t care less to offer you the epitome of weak sauce Amaretto Sour. This drink contains P. Diddy’s coconut-flavored Ciroc with a splash of pineapple. That means it’s purely for people who want to pretend that they’re new money. He’s probably the guy who is wearing sunglasses inside the club. I’ll pass on a man who tries so hard to impress me with a drink.
Black Sunday
Run if a guy ever offers you Black Sunday. Its main ingredient Everclear, made with 95 percent alcohol, will fudge you up so bad you’ll miss a week’s worth life. Black Sunday includes Everclear, IBC Black Cherry, and Wild Turkey 101 Proof Bourbon. It doesn’t even matter what the drink is because anything with Everclear is a blackout waiting to happen. A guy who offers me a drink with Everclear is the the guy my mom warned me about. He’s the one who’s just waiting for me to blackout so he can drag me out the club. Hop off the bar stool and wobble as fast as you can in your heels if a guy ever offers you a drink made with Everclear.
