Every group of friends has those stupid bets, sayings and terms which seem like they were all smoking salvia at the time of creation or actually born to a mother who ingested paint chips for those 9 months. To think my crew is an exception would be down right offensive, to be honest I think we are ranked yearly in the Top 10 of Retardness. I have been holding out on all of you with quite possibly the best concept to add to your routine with your buddies, a term that is so perfect there will be t-shirts hot off the press within days, and a new cultural movement in bro nation. Is there anything better than dropping an epic deuce, getting a chance to read your favorite magazine and knowing your friends are only seconds away from getting hit with your wrath once you open the bathroom door? I think not. Well, now you get to combine it all into one with what quite possibly can be the most amazing situation known to mankind.
I present to you The Gargoyle….
Best used for only serious circumstances (ie. flip cup loser, fantasy football loss, breaking of ones Xbox controller and spilling your buddies shot at the bar). Your friend (the extreme loser in this scenario) is called The Gargoyle, and you, my friend, are the king about to take his throne. The rules are as follows:
1. Gargoyle must perch atop the water tank before dumper sits down (this will ensure an awesome laugh when walking into the bathroom and seeing your buddy sitting above the toilet, and can guarantee no dong is ever viewed throughout the process).
2. Gargoyle must have toilet paper in hand (I suggest double ply) and provide any doodie napkins when needed.
3. Gargoyle must be silent unless spoken to, aside from the occasional bursts of laughter that is inevitable when you realize what the hell is actually going on.
4. Gargoyle must provide flawless and crisp page turns of dumper’s preferred-choice of bowl literature.
5. Gargoyle must provide courtesy flushes when needed.
6. Gargoyle can leave perch once dumper is finished and out of the bathroom.
In case there is any misunderstanding, your buddy is basically perched on top of the toilet bowl while you’re taking a stuff, providing toilet paper and page turns of your favorite magazine, and ultimately catching the first class ticket to your beef. Campus Socialite nation, I give you The Gargoyle, go unleash it on your friends, roommates, frat bros and teammates.
*Anyone catching a girl Gargoyle, please hit me up on Twitter #campusgargoyle or Facebook as this is one of my bucket list items throughout my life and you will instantly become my hero.
