ESPN has decided this year is the “Year of the QB,” as they remind us constantly with their feeble-minded OBR statistic and various specials and other stuff we don’t care about. I don’t know why this year is the year of the QB any more than any other year. It’s just another tired example of ESPN creating an agenda and then pushing it endlessly until the viewing public accepts it as truth. Thanks for telling us how to think, again, ESPN! What would I do without you?
Jets 27, Chargers 21
Three TD’s for Plax and suddenly the Jets don’t look so destitute. I would calm that green boner there, Jets fans, before you get too excited and “jet” prematurely. Mark Sanchez is still your QB, and unless their opponents all forget how to play defense, that is going to a difficult disability to overcome.
Falcons 23, Lions 16
The Lions have now lost two in a row. The unemployment rate in Detroit remains unaffected by football. Mayor Dave Bing claims the Falcons hate America after the loss.
Browns 6, Seahawks 3
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbwjfe5BbGc[/youtube]
Bears 24, Buccaneers 18
Cheeri-O! Jay Cutler seems like he belongs in London: Gray, dreary, miserable and boring. London might actually be a little too exciting for Cutler, what with its “history,” “culture.” Cutler has been quoted as saying “Those are…things. I don’t like things.”
Texans 41, Titans 7
Even without Andre Johnson, the Texans managed to thoroughly plow the Titans. It’s easy when Arian Foster decides to play like he did Sunday. It was like he actually cared for once. Sorry if you played against him in fantasy this week. You lost.
Broncos 18, Dolphins 15
I had never heard of this backup QB who started this week for Denver, but I was impressed with his performance. He struggled in the first half but that second half comeback negates those struggles, and getting that W is what matters in the end. I see big things in the future for this young Jim Tebow!
Panthers 33, Redskins 20
I disagree with Shanahan’s decision at QB. The Sex Cannon has played in a Super Bowl, whereas Beck’s output since Odelay has been a mixed bag at best. Also, I just don’t see why you would try starting a 41-year-old singer at quarterback.
Steelers 32, Cardinals 20
Woah, Ben Roethlisberger, where did you come from? You’ve been playing mediocre at best all season, and suddenly you step up like this? Also, what are you doing in this bathroom stall with me?
Chiefs 28, Raiders 0
Al Davis must be rolling over in his grave. How many times has that joke been made in the past five years or so and now it can actually be said seriously. Truly a monumental occasion.
Packers 33, Vikings 27
Aaron Rodgers completed his first 13 pass attempts this game, but the Pack still only won by six. More importantly, Christian Ponder had a pretty solid first game and it just reminded us all of an important lesson: Fuck Donovan McNabb, he is frickin horrible. Every time he throws the ball, a baby dies.
Cowboys 34, Rams 7
I feel like the stuffty teams in this league have really stepped up their level of stufftiness this year. The Rams, Cardinals, Colts and Dolphins (along with a few others) have really excelled in sucking both thoroughly and horribly, but also creatively and in an entertaining fashion. I would just like to say thank you to all those teams. Thank you for being so absolutely horrible at football that it is often questionable that any of you are evn aware that you are playing said game.
Saints 62, Colts 7
And peaking of the Colts, there is not much to be said about losing 62-7. People always said how Peyton Manning was really coaching the Colts, what if he’s their GM too? I say he’s faking this injury so the Colts go 0-16 and they can draft his heir apparent, Andrew Luck. INVESTIGATE THAT, GOODELL!
Monday Night: Jaguars 12, Ravens 7
A lot of fuss is made over Baltimore’s legendary Rex Ryan created Defense, but from the looks of this game’s box score, you would think both Defenses were on point. Either that or both Offenses weren’t. The reality is neither Quarterback put on their big boy shoes Monday morning, mustering a pathetic 30-58 completion ratio total. Flacco threw one Touchdown Pass for Christ-Sake, and he matched it with one interception. It may not have been a monkey peeing it’s own mouth, but if I had the choice, I would have flipped a quarter.
