By: Amanda Schweitzer (Hofstra University)
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Hi all you Campus Socialites! I am sure many of you have had one-night-stands. The morning after can be embarrassing especially if you don’t remember what you did, said, or looked like the night before. Here are 10 tips (if you can remember ladies) to NOT say during a one-night-stand. Have fun…
1. AW how cute!
If a man’s confidence was sky high, you have just brought it to the floor. Never call a man’s package “cute.” You can say something like, “mmm so sexy,” but if you want a good performance then don’t kill his ego.
2. Are you finished?
Are you retarded? Don’t ever ask this question unless you want to go for another hour. “Are you finished” sounds like pressure that a man should not have on a one-night-stand. He’s not taking a test so relax. However, if four hours go by, then he probably took Viagra and you have reason to say something along the lines of, “get the fudge out.”
3. How many sex partners have you had?
This question is okay to ask at the appropriate time. If he is inside you and you burst out with “Oh, how many bitches have you fudgeed?” things could get a little awkward. If you are suspicious you shouldn’t be there in the first place.
4. My ex-husband used to be a pro wrestler
Really? Well his ex-wife owns five guns. Don’t bring up ex boyfriend/girlfriend drama during one-night-stands.
5. Do you take steroids?
When I say take steroids… I don’t mean he looks jacked. This is for the rumor that men’s balls shrink when they take steroids. It’s not like you are about to date him so forget about if his balls are the size of peas. Who cares? Have fun and don’t bring it up.
6. Wow that was fast!
Don’t be a bitch. If you orgasm during a one-night-stand, congratulations but the chances are slim so who the fudge cares. If it was a minute, then you can talk about how it took longer to get your clothes off and he owes you.
7. These condoms are expired but I was thinking about babies lately anyway…
No, No, No.
8. David, David, Davidddd … “My name’s not David.”
If you are the type to talk in the bedroom, make sure you use the right name.
9. Am I the best?
Bitch you would know if you were… you don’t need to ask. If he calls you again then give yourself a pat on the back.
10. Would you like to meet my parents?
This is another one. I highly doubt the guy you just met and had a sexual encounter with wants to meet your parents. Move on.
So guys and gals, what else can you think of, not to say in the sack? Comment below!
