Welcome to the second edition of “Weekly Rant by the Sexually Frustrated.” Guys, prepare to get pissed, and girls, prepare to yell, “Amen.” Read the rant after the jump.
Something I’ve really been noticing lately that pisses me off is how frickin boring guys are. Guys are so frickin lame. Girls try so desperately to keep the conversation interesting (those of us who have brains and not just tits anyway) and guys have absolutely nothing to contribute.
How many times have you received a text from a guy, you get all excited, and then you realize you’re going to have to be the one who carries the conversation if you want it to continue? It goes something like this:
Him: “Hey”
You: “Hey, what’s going on?”
Him: “Nm, u?”
You: “Ohh, not much…”
Then…NO RESPONSE! Why the fudge did you text me if you don’t even have anything to say? Were you going to ask me to hang out? Or did you just text me to show me you’re alive?
It’s become so rare to find hot, interesting guys that I’ve noticed recently I am going for LESS attractive guys. The less attractive guys seem to make up for it more with their personalities. But how frickin lame is this? So to have a stimulating conversation I have to settle and go for worse looking guys? This makes the inevitable happen: I have a great conversation with an interesting, not-so-attractive guy, get back to the house, try to make it just as great in the sheets…and I can’t even frickin get excited. And why? Sure, he can discuss politics, but can he make you cum? No, didn’t think so.
This is why the pattern always continues in my life. I find attractive guys boring so it will never be more than a one nighter (as Samantha on Sex & The City once said, “You can’t be good in bed if you’re bad at life.” Well, hopefully that won’t be the case with him.), and I just don’t think I’ve reached the point of lowering my standards enough to not be at least slightly shallow, so the uglier, more interesting guys won’t work either.
So what do we do ladies? Those vibrators are starting to get low on battery, so what you’re going to have to do is either have enough drinks to make the less attractive guys better looking (though he might start to wonder why you’re drinking EVERY time you hang out) or just settle for having meaningless, but hopefully at least somewhat passionate sex, with those attractive guys you can’t hold a conversation with.
I wish there was a better way, but until the men of the world get more interesting, I’m afraid the road ends here. And while you love hanging out with your guy friends, who might even be attractive, if you’re like me, then, unfortunately, they’re already in the Friend Zone. Hands off.
So men of the world, please start getting more interesting. If you have something interesting to say, guaranteed you will get laid more, especially if your looks are on the sexier side. This will make the world a better place, and girls will hopefully actually start to like the guy laying in bed next to them.
