By Te’Devan Kurzweil
Every guy at some point in his pursuit of the opposite sex has dealt with the issue of willy blocking. Now, many guys talk about being willy blocked by other guys, but this has never (never!) been the issue for me. The willy blocking I have more avidly and frequently suffered from is of the female variety. I never seem to go over well with the girl’s friends. I have literally had women pull their friends away from me with repeated physical force. I initially found it frustrating but now find it funny. Read after the jump about my favorite willy blocking story.
My favorite willy block story that comes to mind involves two girls from my Women’s Studies class who I ran into at a party. One of the girls came up to me and upon shaking my hand, she grabbed it and put it on her breast. Needless to say, it appeared like “game on.” However, her friend put on a full-on offensive lineman willy block and physically grabbed her friend away from me. She was not going to let her be “that” girl who hooked up with the guy from the Women’s Studies class. The same girl who put on this epic willy block defense had interrogated me like a district attorney looking to make a name for themselves when she said in a voice similar to large Marge, “Why are you taking this class?” I must admit, I was startled and did not think of my smooth and sarcastic response which would have been “to meet women just like you.” I understand I fit under the category of “unique” and that I do not always jell with those holding to social conventions, causing them to have a serious clock block intervention out of fear I might help make their friend “unique” as well, or else seriously affect her reputation. Listed below are a series of potential reasons most guys may have been willy blocked by women at some point in the everlasting quest for the opposite sex.
Top Reasons You May be Clocked (Cock Blocked) By Their Friends
1) You’re Creepy.
2) You’ve hit on everybody in the room and it has not gone unnoticed.
3) Her friends have it in for you and, short of a miracle wingman or a really strong will of the girl who is talking to you, you’re going down in flames.
4) You’re a douche bag and are completely oblivious of this fact.
5) She has a boyfriend and her friends won’t let a few drinks allow her to forget that.
6) It’s a girls night out (sorry, wrong night).
7) You’re wearing the catchy phrase t-shirt that says, “I’m God’s gift to women.”
8)
You’ve got a reputation that’s either well-earned or was just given to you at this party.
9) If her friend’s not getting laid, she’s not getting laid (how the heck did you forget your wingman?).
10) You’re just weird (my personal favorite) and though she may like it, her friends don’t.
11) No means “Never” so keep it moving.
12) You’re clearly broke and the guy next to you isn’t (context is everything; you can always move to a developing country to overcome this).
13) You’re an inch too short on high heel night (I have been fortunate enough never to experience this since I am 6’7″).
14) You’re the DJ, and unbeknownst to you, you shot down her best friend’s request for Britney Spears (hell hath no fury like a drunk girl without her Britney).
15) The willy blocker wants to sleep with you (not usually the case).
16) You started making out with her friend too quickly (and publicly), making the girl seem, what some would call “whorish,” while others would call it “free-spirited.” It depends on your view point.
