There’s only a week left of oh-ten, and it’s time to take a look back at the worst trends of the year, from bros icing bros to vuvuzelas.
Even More Jersey-Centric TV
As if the steroid-popping, foul-mouthed, vodka-swilling, orange creatures of MTV’s “The Jersey Shore” weren’t repulsive enough, 2010 also brought about even more programming featuring the weeds of the Garden State: “Jerseylicious,” the Style Network’s show about trashy NJ hairstylists with horrible accents; “My Big Friggin’ Wedding” on VH1 about trashy brides with horrible accents; and finally, “Jersey Couture,” the Oxygen Network’s new show about trashy dress store owners with horrible accents. And let’s not forget the classy women of “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” back for yet another season of Botox and bitch-slapping from trashy moms with horrible accents.
Italian-Americans have made great contributions to this country (such as spaghetti and the Jacuzzi) but these belligerent gremlins are not one of them. One can only hope that 2011 brings about the end of “T-Shirt Time” once and for all.
Creepy American Apparel Ads
It’s bad enough that American Apparel sells flimsy cotton tank tops for upwards of $10 apiece. But worse are the controversial ads that appeared in 2010, featuring nearly-naked young women in suggestive poses. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it becomes even creepier when you find out that American Apparel’s CEO, Dov Charney, was sued by three women for sexual harassment. “I’m not saying I want to screw all the girls at work,” he was quoted as saying to a magazine, “But if I fall in love at work it’s going to be beautiful and sexual.” Um, ew. So until American Apparel stops taking advantage of its models, I refuse to buy their hideous, overpriced, flimsy hipster-wear.
Bros Icing Bros
In another ad campaign gone awry, bros all across America began hiding bottles of Smirnoff Ice for other bros to find and drink on the spot. The practice has been dubbed “icing.” But seriously, bros, is there any drink gayer than Smirnoff Ice? I mean, all drunk driving implications aside, at least find a manlier drink to hide in your bromeslice’s glove compartment. I would suggest an all-American whiskey such as Jack Daniels, but I guess then we would have to call it “Bros Jacking Bros”…
Leakage
This year could have used a pair of Depends, because it was full of leaks. First, BP spilled oil into the Gulf, turning millions of poor little pelicans into oily sea monsters. Next, some volcano with an unpronounceable name exploded in Iceland. Then, the biggest threat to intelligence in American history arrived…in the form of a Swedish albino named Julian Assange, who leaked thousands of top-secret government documents via WikiLeaks.
Though he spared the pelicans, our government was definitely deep in the brown stuff. Not cool, Julian.
Cheating on Hot Chicks
Apparently, a hot Oscar-winning actress and philanthropist wasn’t good enough for Jesse James, who cheated on Sandra Bullock with a human tattoo/walking petri dish, also known as model/waitress Bombshell McGee. A blonde swimsuit model wife was also not enough for Tiger Woods, who apparently bopped every pancake house waitress east of the Mississippi. Even Eva Longoria’s man, Tony Parker, went a-cheatin’ in oh-ten. This is terrible, people. What is the world coming to when a hot model can’t hold onto her professional athlete husband?
Vuvuzelas
The World Cup is a great thing. Soccer fans from all over the world set aside their differences to root for their respective teams, and American college students have an excuse to day-drink while shouting pro-USA slogans at the TV screen. But in 2010, the Cup’s host country of South Africa unleashed a weapon of mass annoyance upon the world: the vuvuzela. This long, plastic instrument sounds like a swarm of farting bees, and was played non-stop by Cup spectators to cheer on their teams. For the first time, I understood how my family must have felt when I starting practicing my clarinet around the house in second grade: extremely irritated. It is not fun to wake up from a three-day-old hangover to the sound of vuvuzelas blaring from a TV screen.
Lohab
Oh Lindsay Lohan, you used to be a hero to red-haired little girls everywhere. You broke barriers in Hollywood and showed the world that gingers can be movie stars, too. And while I was disappointed when I found out you weren’t actually a twin, that paled in comparison to how I felt watching your downward spiral into the world of cocaine and blonde highlights. 2010 signaled rock-bottom for the former Mean Girls star and ginger role model, after she was arrested and sentenced to jail time.
